Wassup Hip Hop Headz 🎤 It’s no secret that I love Hip Hop. So when I saw Redmans #80barzchallenge post, I needed to get in on the action. The only snag is that I’m not a rapper. I am a writer/rhyming poet. I thought to myself: I’ve got barz for dayz, so I’m going to freewrite 80 Bars. Re read if I haven’t blown your mind 🤯
Salute to Redman, who is one of the greatest to rock a mic. Without a doubt he is a lyrical beast, so I’ve kept my bars Raw on this one and Hardcore to make the writerz act fools. In addition to that,
- Whut? The album
- Muddy waters …
Are two of my favourite albums of all time.
Before we got started, Are you an MF DOOM fan? Neat, check out my blog post here 👇
80 Bars for the Redman “80 barz” challenge by Podopheleus
So are we ready to go wild? Great, then let’s do this. ✍️🎙️🤯👇
#80barzchallenge – Podopheleus
Hear it, when I tell it, don’t push me bitch
Emcees are sensitive like pussies and clits
“Oh, wait a minute… he is not speaking through the mic
Holy mackerel, Podos barz are reaching new heights”
Darn right, and I know you can’t stop me
I can feel the rhymes taking over my entire body
The girls can feel it from their nipples to their clits
You betcha, that’s the ripple effect
“Shit fire and save matches, he’s the guy who poisoned the wells”
I walked into Arkham Asylum and opened the cells
“Oh, he is not widely talked about
But he still walks around with his balls out”
Let me introduce myself, the name is Podopheleus
Holy smoke! Every line I drop is a stroke of genius
Gee, I’m one of a kind
Sometimes I face fuck myself because it just blows my mind
Sleeping on Podopheleus is the biggest waste of life
Am I blowing this insanely outta proportion?
I’m surrounded by too many dicks like Ava Austen
Capture this like a photography class
I ain’t dealing with your shit like a colostomy bag
Emcees been calling me “your majesty”
Fuck the rap game like a rape fantasy
Be fun! Don’t be mad at me
Imma OG lyrical beast! Don’t test me!
It’s the multi-syllable emcee
Gee, emcees have no game! Remember ya
Podopheleus is the proclaimed emperor!
I was writing bars for fun, no, I don’t need to hire a gun
Bollocks to it, all fire lunged
Emcees we’re determined to claim top spot
As long as I’m around, oh, I’m afraid not
Well that’s just swell like vulvovaginitis
I face pussies like a gynecologist
Pretty soon, we’ll all be dead
So I might as well get everything off my chest
Time’s running out. There are forty three bars left
I’m just getting my feet wet
Through writing poetry, I found a way to cheat death
Yo, I’m leaving emcees bleeding outta every orifice
You bet, like a motherfucking horror flick
And it’s going viral, spreading like a new plague
So Help Me God! Like 2 Chainz
Now you see me, now you don’t, I disappeared in the crowd
You still haven’t figured it out
The flashes of my stepping portals made you look
Every time my pen hits the pad I let off a nuke
How do I start explaining that?
Imma brainiac, a maniac, I’m aiming at
Ah, fuck it, let’s not get into that
I was born to rhyme, it’s in my DNA
Imma huge fan of the Beastie Boys, R.I.P. to MCA
What’s up with the mumble rappers acting like they were sedated
You have a choice, to be buried or cremated?
Yikes bikes, it’s one of the new trendy things
I think the doctors gave them far too much pethidine
I know it’s pretty fucked up, like watching Jerry Spring
Goddamn it, that’s enough. Put down the microphone, punk
They’re rambling on and on like they were stoned, drunk
I’m not down with the ‘Newspeak’ emcees … Orwellian!
I live in my own little world like Joe the Barbarian
Watch me bring the magic like Houdini
If you don’t like it, fine. Fuck me sideways like Linguini
Battling Podopheleus, that is immoral
But It required guts like going up against Zodd the Immortal
I’ll hit you crabs with a hundred hand slap, I’m raving mad
Those who fell, fell hard. Smashed the paving slabs
Don’t make me tell you twice. Quit frontin’
Oh, he’s just going to be a vegetable like swamp thing
Emcees have been selling their souls/soles like Instafeet
Imma nocturnal creature at a dinner feast
Gee, I ate all the emcees but I’m still peckish
I could just go home and watch Netflix
Fuck that! Study my brain during a BDSM scene
Being kinky is a state of mind, with the kinks I’m extreme
Only Adreena can keep me on my knees. I will not be silenced
I’m intolerant to vanilla but that’s the science
Eighty Barz challenge, I held the instrumental hostage
I love dropping knowledge, bars on Bondage
You wanted shock rap so I turned up the voltage
There we have it Hip Hop headz, if you fuck with my bars, tag @redmangilla let him know that @podopheleus is paying homage.
Furthermore, if you are into conscious lyrics, then check out my RAP POEM: NOT ALL MEN. CALLING OUT RAPE CULTURE 👇
Feel free to hit me up on Twitter and Instagram @Podopheleus.
Much Love
Podopheleus
www.podopheleus.com
