Redman’s #80barzchallenge – “80 barz” by Podopheleus

Wassup Hip Hop Headz 🎤 It’s no secret that I love Hip Hop. So when I saw Redmans #80barzchallenge post, I needed to get in on the action. The only snag is that I’m not a rapper. I am a writer/rhyming poet. I thought to myself: I’ve got barz for dayz, so I’m going to freewrite 80 Bars. Re read if I haven’t blown your mind 🤯

Salute to Redman, who is one of the greatest to rock a mic. Without a doubt he is a lyrical beast, so I’ve kept my bars Raw on this one and Hardcore to make the writerz act fools. In addition to that,

  • Whut? The album
  • Muddy waters …

Are two of my favourite albums of all time. 

Before we got started, Are you an MF DOOM fan? Neat, check out my blog post here 👇

80 Bars for the Redman “80 barz” challenge by Podopheleus

So are we ready to go wild? Great, then let’s do this. ✍️🎙️🤯👇

#80barzchallenge – Podopheleus

Hear it, when I tell it, don’t push me bitch

Emcees are sensitive like pussies and clits

“Oh, wait a minute… he is not speaking through the mic

Holy mackerel, Podos barz are reaching new heights”

Darn right, and I know you can’t stop me

I can feel the rhymes taking over my entire body

The girls can feel it from their nipples to their clits

You betcha, that’s the ripple effect

“Shit fire and save matches, he’s the guy who poisoned the wells”

I walked into Arkham Asylum and opened the cells

“Oh, he is not widely talked about

But he still walks around with his balls out”

Let me introduce myself, the name is Podopheleus

Holy smoke! Every line I drop is a stroke of genius

Gee, I’m one of a kind

Sometimes I face fuck myself because it just blows my mind

Sleeping on Podopheleus is the biggest waste of life

Am I blowing this insanely outta proportion?

I’m surrounded by too many dicks like Ava Austen

Capture this like a photography class

I ain’t dealing with your shit like a colostomy bag

Emcees been calling me “your majesty”

Fuck the rap game like a rape fantasy

Be fun! Don’t be mad at me

Imma OG lyrical beast! Don’t test me!

It’s the multi-syllable emcee

Gee, emcees have no game! Remember ya

Podopheleus is the proclaimed emperor!

I was writing bars for fun, no, I don’t need to hire a gun

Bollocks to it, all fire lunged

Emcees we’re determined to claim top spot

As long as I’m around, oh, I’m afraid not

Well that’s just swell like vulvovaginitis

I face pussies like a gynecologist

Pretty soon, we’ll all be dead

So I might as well get everything off my chest

Time’s running out. There are forty three bars left

I’m just getting my feet wet

Through writing poetry, I found a way to cheat death

Yo, I’m leaving emcees bleeding outta every orifice

You bet, like a motherfucking horror flick

And it’s going viral, spreading like a new plague

So Help Me God! Like 2 Chainz

Now you see me, now you don’t, I disappeared in the crowd

You still haven’t figured it out

The flashes of my stepping portals made you look

Every time my pen hits the pad I let off a nuke

How do I start explaining that? 

Imma brainiac, a maniac, I’m aiming at

Ah, fuck it, let’s not get into that

I was born to rhyme, it’s in my DNA

Imma huge fan of the Beastie Boys, R.I.P. to MCA

What’s up with the mumble rappers acting like they were sedated

You have a choice, to be buried or cremated?

Yikes bikes, it’s one of the new trendy things

I think the doctors gave them far too much pethidine

I know it’s pretty fucked up, like watching Jerry Spring

Goddamn it, that’s enough. Put down the microphone, punk

They’re rambling on and on like they were stoned, drunk

I’m not down with the ‘Newspeak’ emcees … Orwellian!

I live in my own little world like Joe the Barbarian

Watch me bring the magic like Houdini

If you don’t like it, fine. Fuck me sideways like Linguini

Battling Podopheleus, that is immoral

But It required guts like going up against Zodd the Immortal

I’ll hit you crabs with a hundred hand slap, I’m raving mad

Those who fell, fell hard. Smashed the paving slabs

Don’t make me tell you twice. Quit frontin’

Oh, he’s just going to be a vegetable like swamp thing

Emcees have been selling their souls/soles like Instafeet

Imma nocturnal creature at a dinner feast

Gee, I ate all the emcees but I’m still peckish

I could just go home and watch Netflix

Fuck that! Study my brain during a BDSM scene

Being kinky is a state of mind, with the kinks I’m extreme

Only Adreena can keep me on my knees. I will not be silenced 

I’m intolerant to vanilla but that’s the science

Eighty Barz challenge, I held the instrumental hostage

I love dropping knowledge, bars on Bondage

You wanted shock rap so I turned up the voltage

There we have it Hip Hop headz, if you fuck with my bars, tag @redmangilla let him know that @podopheleus is paying homage. 

Furthermore, if you are into conscious lyrics, then check out my RAP POEM: NOT ALL MEN. CALLING OUT RAPE CULTURE 👇

Feel free to hit me up on Twitter and Instagram @Podopheleus.

Much Love


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