A Guide to Dommes and Subs – 20 Questions

Guide to Dommes and Subs. How are you feeling today, kinksters? So today I’m going to answer your questions about Dommes and subs. I will break down everything you need to know about Dommes and subs, so that you can understand what the words “Dominatrix and submissive” truly mean from a kinksters perspective. 

Alrighty then! Let’s get down to kinkness. 

1. What is a Dominatrix?  

A Dominatrix, also known as a Domme/Dom/Pro-Domme, is a female who holds the dominant role in BDSM practices. These practices can range from the more extreme BDSM practices to less intense practices. 

Here are some examples of the more extreme BDSM practices:

  • Caning
  • Flogging
  • Cock and Ball Torture 
  • Genitorture
  • Impact Play
Guide to Dommes and subs – 20 Questions answered by Podopheleus

Here are some examples of less intense practices: 

2. Do Dommes session with men and women? 

In the majority of cases, a Pro-Domme does not discriminate against submissives based on gender.

3. What is a submissive?

A submissive (or sub) is an individual who submits to a Dominant. Regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. As mentioned earlier, Female Dominants are referred to as Dommes/Dominatrixes/Pro-Dommes. Male Dominants are best described as Masters, Daddy’s or Misters/Sirs.

Read here for thoughts on discovering what type of submissive brat are you?!

4. What is a Domme/sub relationship? 

The basic tenet of a Domme/sub relationship also known as a D/s relationship or Dominant-submissive relationship is that one person takes the Dominant (sadist) role, while the other person takes the submissive (masochist) role. 

Some D/s relationships are more casual while other D/s relationships are more complex than meets the eye, from frequent power play to 24/7 arrangements.

5. What is Femdomme? 

Femdom/Femdomme stands for Female Dominance/Domination. 

Alternatively stated, a female who is a dominant partner in BDSM sexual interactions.

Femdom fiction is something that I enjoy reading and writing. Check out my recommendations for the Best Femdom Books 2021 and the latest installment of the Submissive Husband Stories.

Submissive husband Roger is taken on wild adventures by brutal Goddess Margaret

6. What does BDSM stand for?

The BD stands for Bondage and Discipline.

The DS serves as Dominance and Submission. 

The SM represents Sadism and Masochism. 

Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadomasochism.

6. Is a Dominatrix a prostitute?

Guide to Dommes and Subs. A dominatrix is most certainly NOT a prostitute.  

7. What is the difference between a Pro-Domme and a prostitute?

A Dominatrix/Pro-Domme engages in BDSM activities for a tribute, whereas a prostitute engages in sexual activity for payment. 

8. Can you have sex with a pro domme?

I want to make it clear that Dominatrixes/Pro Dommes do not offer sexual services.

On another point of note, have you ever wondered whether visiting a Dominatrix counts as cheating?

9. Guide to Dommes and Subs – Is it legal to visit a Dominatrix in the UK?

Yes! The dominatrix trade is permissible in the United Kingdom. 

Thank heavens 🙏👠

Ok so now that’s clear, would you like to know how to find a Domme? Then click below 👇

10. How does a submissive male serve his female Domme?

  • First things first, it is imperative for the submissive to consensually submit to his Domme.
  • The submissive must have a genuine passion and enthusiasm for serving and worshipping.
  • The submissive must respect his Dommes hard limits and boundaries.
  • This is an underrated factor, to communicate openly and honestly.
  • To be of service before one’s egoistical interests.

11. What is Dom space? 

Dom space, also known as top space, and it can also be noted as Domspace and Dom-space, is comparable to subspace. Domspace has been described as what a cocaine high feels like, while still staying in complete control of the BDSM scene. Although the experience can vary from Domme to Domme.

Dom space, Domspace and Dom-space is comparable to subspace.

12. What is subspace?

Subspace is also known as bottom space, which is when a submissive experiences an influx of adrenaline and endorphins released during a BDSM scene.

To learn more about subspace, please read my blog – MY FIRST SUBSPACE EXPERIENCE 👇

13. Can only men be submissive?

No! Anyone can be submissive, regardless of gender.

14. What do you like about being a submissive?

I love the thrill of giving up control to a Female Dominant I can trust. Mentally and erotically the experience for me is gratifying. It’s a stress reliever, after each session, I come out feeling real good.

Furthermore, I am exposing the most vulnerable side to me and in that moment I feel a strong connection. From my personal standpoint, Dommes understand a side of me that no one else can. 

15. Is it just a fetish thing or does it transfer into everyday life?

That’s a tricky question, because being submissive is just part of me. Having said that, I’m not a yes man. I’m my own person. I have been a Manager/Director/Office Manager for ten years. I have been in managerial positions most of my working life. Until September 2020, when I was made redundant. However, I used my talent for rhyming and storytelling to write a book, Triple-Formed, and I created an online business.

Anyway, as I was saying, I’m used to giving orders rather than taking them. Even though I am a submissive male, I am not a submissive husband. However, in a session, the power dynamics are different, I obey and submit to my Domme.

16. How does it make you get off?

Guide to Dommes and Subs.

Being forced to do something sexually against my will is psychologically intoxicating. Honestly speaking, I ache for submission. 

Podophelus

17. Does it make you less of a man?

There’s a whole taboo around submissive men. Unfortunately, submissive men don’t fit in with the social norms. We are viewed as not being real men. However, for me, I feel satisfaction, I feel happiness, I feel complete when I’m submissive to a Female Dominant. It is the acceptance of who I am that makes me feel like a real man.

I am an advocate for change for men who want to, and should be free to explore their kinks, fetishes and desires. Read more about my advocacy for change here.

18. What’s the difference between being dominated and BDSM 

The D in BDSM serves as Discipline, Dominance. BDSM play involves a Dominant, and some sort of domination activity. 

Having said that, BDSM is so much more than just domination. There’s also the psychological part of it, which is a full blog post in and of itself.

19. What happens in a Domme / submissive session?

Well, I guess that depends on what was discussed prior to the session. 

So prior to the session there will have been conversations between the Domme and the submissive regards to boundaries, limits, fantasies, safewords and requests. As for example, scripted scenarios, costume requests. 

The Domme will plan the scene on the basis of the submissive’s requests and fantasies. For instance, If I requested a sweaty feet, face fucking, naughty school girl roleplay session, by the time I arrive to the session, my Domme will already be dressed up in a school girl outfit, had a workout, dildos lined up on the floor. As demonstrated, the session will be tailored to the submissives preferences. A lot of preparation goes into planning a BDSM scene.

Then the fun begins, and nothing else matters other than serving your Domme. It’s all about the experience.

20. Do submissives and Dommes ever marry?

Do Dommes and submissives ever marry?

There are different types of D/s relationships, but yes, it’s possible. In other words, some do and some don’t. 

I want to make it clear that there is a difference between Lifestyle Dommes and Pro Dommes. I will point out that it is highly improbable that a professional Dominatrix/Pro-Domme will walk down the aisle with one of her clients/submissives. 

There we have it kinksters, I hope you enjoyed reading this ‘Guide to Dommes and Subs – 20 Questions‘ blog! If you have any other questions on how to be a good submissive or about Dommes generally, feel free to hit me up on Twitter and Instagram, or via the site

Much Kink Love

Podopheleus

P.S. if you’re looking for more on D/S etiquette check out ‘What not to say to a Domme‘, ‘How to write an email to a Dominatrix‘ or ‘How to thank a Dominatrix‘. Or simply use the website search function and check out the ‘Dominatrix’ or ‘Submissive‘ category. Have fun Kinksters!

Please share this

Related Posts