Dr Das – submissive men, kinks & fetishes – Interview!

Hello, dear kinky ones! On the 12 December 2021, I did a Vimeo podcast with KazandJenTalks and Dr Das. It was one of my highlights of 2021. Before the podcast, I had a good ol’ chat with Dr Das. He was so insightful, and down-to-earth, which led to this interview. However, before we get started, I asked Dr Das to write a little introduction about Himself.

To learn more about KazandJenTalks, click BELOW.

Introducing Dr Das

My dearest Podopheleus readers – I’m a Consultant Forensic Psychiatrist based in London. In my professional role, I regularly assess mentally disordered offenders, in prison, in court, and in locked secure forensic psychiatric units, such as Broadmoor Hospital, that are reserved for the most dangerous and violent mentally ill patients. I also work for numerous criminal courts in London, as an expert witness during criminal trials – including murder trials at the Old Bailey. I’ve used my professional experiences to host a YouTube video podcast called A Psych for Sore Minds where I discuss these areas, as well as mental health issues in general. 

I must admit, kinks and fetishes are not a routine part of my line of work. However, I’m delighted to share my professional opinions with you.

Dr Das, Consultant Forensic Psychiatrist

1. I [Podopheleus] discovered I had a foot fetish when I was 6 years old, would you say that most fetishes generally start in childhood? If yes, can you explain why that is. 

It’s hard to know for definite as there is so little data available, understandably; it’s not appropriate to ask younger children and adolescents about their sexual proclivities. However, it is thought that most fetishes develop in adolescence, around puberty, when individuals start having sexualised feelings. 

The theory is that fetishes often develop through either one isolated incident or a series of incidents related to sexual excitement around a particular object. This could be an orgasm whilst focussing on or looking at feet.

2. Why is it so common for submissive men to feel shame and guilt for being submissive? And why does society stigmatize submissive men? 

Obviously, there are some dark elements of perversion, including paedophilia and sexual violence. I think that all fetishes, including sadomasochism, are often unfairly conflated by society as general sexual perversion. In addition, we English folk are fairly prudish, compared to at least some other cultures such as the French or Italians. Therefore, talking openly about particular fetishes, or even about sex is seen by some as being uncouth. There is a degree of shame and guilt around this.

On top of this, submissive males have to deal with an extra level of stigma related to being seen as being weak. Again, I think there is some unfair confusion; some misogynistic people think that being dominated by women is a character trait and indicates a weakness of personality. They don’t understand that it is about sexual satisfaction.

3. Some of the most frequently asked questions I get from my readers is: Is my fetish normal? Am I a freak or weirdo for having x, y, and z fetishes? Dr Das, what is your professional take on this? 

It depends on how you define normal! For me, it is not about the actual content of the fetish itself, but rather the degree of anxiety and agitation that suppressing it might cause. A nun or a person brought up in a hyper-strict upbringing which denounces all sex might have what we would consider very natural emotions, yet might feel (or be made to feel) like a pervert.

I think the crux of the matter is whether particular sexual interests are approached in a healthy manner; this might include seeing professionals (either for psychological therapy or perhaps a dominatrix). If this is not done, a high degree of shame and guilt might follow. There could be other consequences, such as problems within a relationship between an individual and their romantic partner or spouse.

We cannot know about the incidence of sexual fetishes for sure due to a lack of reliable data. Most people do not have the courage to come forward and talk about them. Often their proclivities are tied up with shame and guilt. However, my feeling is that many, many more people in society have these urges. Therefore, they are more ‘typical’ or ‘normal’ than we actually think.

Having said all that, I think it’s only fair to highlight that there are some sexual proclivities (I’m not sure whether you would categorise them as fetishes or not) that can verge on being dangerous, such as an interest in violent non-consensual sex or an interest in children.

4. On one hand – pun intended – male masturbation/ejaculation is healthy and natural, and on the other hand abstaining from ejaculation is supposed to have various benefits. What is your view on this?

There are two different perspectives.

Those who recommend abstinence from masturbation say that this re-focuses attention on relationships. For some, this aligns with their religious or moral values. Some people find that it decreases the use of pornography and thereby frees up time for other pursuits (although I’m not convinced that most people use that much time!) There is anecdotal evidence of more extreme benefits from not pleasuring oneself (such as helping relieve depression), though no actual scientific evidence.

On the other hand (pun intentionally plagiarised), those who advocate for masturbation would highlight that regular ejaculation keeps sperm count within normal ranges.  Crucially, a 2016 study found that regular ejaculation lowers the risk of prostate cancer; roughly around 21 times per month offered the most benefit, compared to those who did this less frequently. Some people promote it as a form of mindfulness to heighten sexual pleasure; a bit like tantric sex.  

There is no scientific evidence suggesting that masturbation is harmful physically (though I’m sure it could probably cause some bruising in excess!). Having said that, addiction to pornography, like all addictions, can be harmful. In extreme cases this can affect the sufferer’s lifestyle; preventing them functioning at work or making them have to hide it from family, etc.

As to my personal view, I definitely think masturbation is healthy and natural for the vast majority of people. Like most pleasures in life, excess and addiction can lead to psychological problems. 

5. Is there such a thing as healthy vs unhealthy masturbation? How do we differentiate between the two? 

Absolutely. For me, it’s all about the level of negative emotions such as guilt experienced by the individual, which again might be related to a repressed upbringing. As mentioned, addiction to pornography, particularly when this impacts daily functioning, would be another unhealthy scenario. This can be associated with compulsions to masturbate (i.e. doing it to prevent an uncomfortable urge rather than for pleasure). However, I would stress that these issues are only apparent for a minority of people.

6. What advice would you give to a submissive male who has never embraced his kinks and fetishes. Additionally, feels ashamed of being a submissive male.

There is definitely no need to be ashamed. You are not alone. You should make a concerted effort to embrace your sexual proclivities. And it has never been easier! There is a huge underground movement nowadays with the invention of the internet, making it much easier to find with similar interests. I would keep an open mind and reach out to other certified people in the field, like Podopheleus.  There are so many options and outlets, from simply joining internet chat rooms to seeking out professional help from a dominatrix.

7. Lastly, feel free to shamelessly plug what you’re working on next, and how can Podopheleus readers learn more about you?

Dr Das, Consultant Forensic Psychiatrist

I have my grubby little fingers in lots of different media pies. The thing that I think would be of most interest to your readers would be my YouTube channel – A Psych for Sore Minds.  As I said before, this covers a broad range of topics related to mental illness and offending. This includes my own personal psychoanalysis of high-profile true crime cases, dissection of common mental health diagnoses and interviewing people who have various experiences of mental illness (including suicide attempts and being sectioned). I’d love to see you all on my channel.  Hit me up in the comments section and tell me what you think of my videos. Everybody’s welcome.

I also have a book coming out in March 2022 – called ‘In Two Minds’ by Sphere Publishing. This is more of a deep dive into my work. I dissect my cases in much more detail and reflect on how they shaped me as a forensic psychiatrist.

There we have it, Kinksters! 

I hope you enjoyed reading this interview blog. A huge shout-out to Dr Das! Thank you for answering my questions so comprehensively. Remember to follow Dr Das on Twitter & Instagram so you don’t miss the latest.

Would you like to be featured on Dr Das’s YouTube channel – A Psych for Sore Minds? Do you know someone who might be? Let’s support each other, Kinksters! So please feel free to SHARE this interview blog with others. Feel free to hit me up on Twitter @podofeleus and Instagram @Podopheleus, or send a message via my contact page.

Much Kink Love,

Podopheleus 🖤

https://linktr.ee/Podopheleus

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