What to do before Engaging With A Mistress….
Hello again, Beloved, Kinky Folks!
Boy, it has been a while since I wrote an article. I know, I know, life has been bonkers busy recently. No kidding. Well, I just finished writing my new book, ‘Sexual Equanimity’, which is around 70,000 words. So, I guess I got a legit excuse for my lack of blogging, huh?
What Will We Be Discussing?
So, in this article, I want to discuss various things…
- First, why you shouldn’t compromise your personality for nobody.
- Second, why it’s important to balance your energies before seeking a Mistress.
- And third, the fear of losing people or what is commonly referred to as losing a “good thing.”
Okay, as you may have guessed, this article is specifically for submissives who are seeking to find or maintain a healthy relationship with their Mistress or Mistresses.
A Bit About Me
So, I entered the BDSM scene in 2019. At that time, I had puppy dog eyes and a people-pleaser mentality, coupled with limited knowledge about the scene.
During my first year in the scene, I exclusively sessioned with one Mistress. However, I eventually felt the desire to explore further. I became curious and longed to visit different playspaces, engage in various play styles, and meet individuals with diverse personalities. Stepping out of my comfort zones proved to be eye-opening. I had the opportunity to connect with some really cool individuals, expand my brainbox, and get me some pearls of wisdom about both myself and others.
Mistress Giving Off Mixed Energies
For quite some time, I engaged in sessions with a Mistress, whom I shared mind-blowing experiences with. She was a boss at roleplay, fully immersing herself in character, and our sessions were consistently captivating and fun-filled. She brought me an unprecedented level of sensual pleasure and was strikingly beautiful.
However, despite these positive aspects, our relationship had its fair wack of hurdles. On one hand, we shared common interests, and our play style’s seemed to gel perfectly.
See, I have a vivid imagination and a burning desire towards creativity. I’m proper into crafting roleplay scenarios, and this Mistress had Goddess-tier talent to bring those scenarios to life. So, on that front, we were totally on the same wavelength.
However, on the flip side, there were times when I felt uncomfortable and uneasy around her. She gave off mixed vibes, and her behaviour occasionally came across as rude, snappy and disrespectful. She crossed my boundaries on several occasions, creating an overall unusual chemistry. Despite these contradictions, I genuinely cared about her, even though I didn’t always vibe with her attitude. I found it challenging to be my legit self and be completely open and honest with her. I constantly feared triggering a negative reaction from her, as if she might lash out at any given moment.
As a result, I spent most of my time tip-toeing around her and bottling up my true thoughts. Long story short, our relationship eventually went tits up due to a miscommunication or misinterpretation. I mentioned something to her, but she understood it differently, and being anxious about further drama, I never fully explained my intended message. I attempted to redirect the conversation, but unfortunately, things went pear-shaped from that point onward.
Engaging With A Mistress – Never Compromise Your Personality
See, here’s the funny thing: generally speaking, I’m straight-up. Most people who know me would probably confirm that I don’t beat around the bush and tell it like it is. Even when dealing with challenging clients over the years, I’ve managed to establish good relationships with them by connecting on a human level through raw honesty. People have always appreciated this about me because there’s no nonsense involved.
However, when I encountered this particular Mistress, all of that went out the window. Right from the start, I could sense her hot-headed nature, and I suppose we all have our moments like that. But due to our dynamic and roles, I was fully conscious of the potential backlash of rubbing her the wrong way.
She had a rep for blocking people left, right, and centre, and I desperately wanted to avoid being one of those guys. I must admit, I was infatuated with her for a while. I admired her and looked up to her, considering her a role model. At one point, I held her in the highest regard – which I will discuss further in another blog.
Being around her skyrocketed my confidence. Witnessing her unwavering self-assurance had a contagious effect on me, especially since I saw her on a regular basis.
However, this dynamic also had a negative impact on my confidence. I felt like I couldn’t be my authentic self around her, It’s as if I was constantly playing a character around her and it became exhausting at times. It almost led to a sense of identity crisis, wondering who I really was around her.
As previously mentioned, sometimes, I found her to be seriously rude, cutting me off mid-sentence, putting words in my mouth, and I would often let it slide. As time went on, it seemed like she became accustomed to giving me attitude, thinking it was acceptable behaviour. It’s similar to dealing with a bully at school; if they slap you across the face and you say nothing, they continue doing it every time they see you. Eventually, they derive pleasure from it, and you become so accustomed to it that you simply accept it. Now, I’m not suggesting that this particular Mistress is a bully. I’m just using it as an analogy to illustrate how easy it is to become accustomed to something and passively accept it.
A big chunk of our relationship was spent treading on eggshells around her. It felt like the essence of our connection was built on the fear of not pissing her off. Whenever I thought about messaging her, I would write out the message in a notepad on my phone, thoroughly examining it a million and one times to ensure there was nothing that could be taken as offensive or simply annoy her. I noticed that I was acting out of character and compromising my true personality for the sake of someone else.
Get Your Energies In Check
Throughout the time I knew this Mistress, I often felt like she gave me mixed signals. At times, she would be incredibly nice to me and say lovely things, but other times, I sensed that she had an issue with me. As a result, I frequently found myself bewildered and questioning my own actions. Was it something I was doing wrong? Was it my fault? Did I need to change?
Interestingly, I never experienced anything like this with any other Mistresses. So, I began to wonder if the issue was with her or with me. Remember when I mentioned the falling out we had over a miscommunication? Well, I had the exact same conversation with three other Mistresses, and I even touched on the topic during one of my Twitter spaces. Surprisingly, I received no backlash from anyone else. This made me question if the issue truly lied with her. However, upon reflection, I realised that the issue was actually with me. It was the energy I was projecting.
Allow me to explain. This Mistress had upset me multiple times with the way she spoke to me, along with some of her actions, and I sometimes felt disrespected. As a result, my emotions towards her were a mixture of love (not in a romantic sense) and frustration. It’s clear that my energies towards her were inconsistent and conflicting. I strongly believe that everything is energy, and she could sense this energetic imbalance. Moreover, I never explicitly expressed how I felt or communicated that she had upset me. Therefore, how could she have known?
The Topic Of Compensating Our Personalities
Normally, I wouldn’t allow anyone to talk down to me without consent. In most cases, if someone pissed me off, I would have it out with them, and within a short while, we would patch things up and put it behind us, (unless something proper serious went down).
However, I never took that approach with her, so she had no reason to expect anything different. So, why didn’t I have similar conflicts with other Mistresses? It’s because I felt comfortable being myself around them, completely open and honest. I didn’t feel intimidated by them; if anything, I felt at ease. This created an environment for free-flowing conversations, and I could fully explain myself if called out on something. It all comes down to the energy and vibes between individuals.
With this particular Mistress, though, I was more nervous around her. If she called me out on something, my words would trip up, my mind would become scattered, and I wouldn’t carry myself as confidently as I desired. I will make something very clear here: that’s not her fault. We choose our feelings, and I chose to feel that way. The only way to overcome it would have been to have a real, honest conversation.
However, out of fear of how she’d react, I only briefly touched on it and that was during our very last session, I opened up to her and mentioned that messaging her gave me severe anxiety. Her response was, “Aw, please don’t feel like that. You can message me whenever you like.”
However, during that same session, I said something to her that she interpreted differently, and I didn’t even attempt to correct her. On top of that, the WhatsApp messages that followed afterward, well, let’s just say they didn’t go down too well.
Even when I attempted to apologise to her, I struggled to find the right words to convey what I wanted to say. I was excessively overthinking every single word, and my mind was in knots. In terms of the mixed signals, she was just a reflection of my own mixed energies, and I genuinely believe that. The moment she displayed any shift in attitude towards me, I immediately went into panic mode and freeze mode. Even when she mentioned wanting to step aside from our sessions, my knee-jerk response was an irrational one. My thoughts went haywire. What this taught me is that our relationships can be heavily impacted when we compromise our personalities and depending on how we project our energies.
Fear Of Losing Your Mistress
It’s essential to never fear your Mistress. If fear is present in the relationship, it may not be a suitable fit. However, it is important to assess the reason behind the fear. Are you, like myself, in a situation where you haven’t spoken up or stood your ground, resulting in mixed energies? Or, a part of you may fear not wanting to let go of a “good thing,” but what’s a “good thing” when one or both of you no longer feel it? I guess there are two ways about it: you either dwell in the past or be grateful for the good times you shared and look forward to starting a new journey. Or is there a deeper issue going on here? Are you in an abusive relationship? If that’s the case, it’s imperative to remove yourself from that situation and report it ASAP.
See, many times when we choose not to speak up, it’s because we fear saying the wrong thing or losing our Mistress. Life can be funny that way, with people entering and exiting our lives in the blink of an eye. The thing is, you can’t go through life trying to be someone you’re not because eventually, it will catch up to you.
Through my own life experiences, I’ve learned that it’s best to tell it like it is, as long as you’re not being an arsehole about it. Be honest, speak your mind, and remember that the world is filled with diverse personalities and we’re living in a time where mental health is on the high, right now, and people are becoming more conscious about protecting their energies. So, keep in mind that no matter what you do or say, there will always be someone who’s not feeling it. It could be a family member, a friend, or even your Mistress.
Trust me when I say this, prioritise yourself, and I don’t mean that in a toxic or narcissistic way. I mean, love yourself first, put yourself first, so that you can give your best self to others and when people come and go in your life, regardless of what happens and who they are, you remain true to yourself.
You see, a common issue among many submissives is that we are often people-pleasers. Constantly seeking validation through pleasing others can leave us feeling invalidated, especially when we’re unable to meet expectations. Instead of constantly trying to please everyone else, focus on pleasing yourself. And by that, I don’t mean, bash one out, but rather doing the inner work and prioritising self-care.
Engaging With A Mistress – Calm And Composed
Almost a year has passed since that incident, and It prompted me to establish clear boundaries for myself and put myself in a position where I can handle any situation that comes my way. I made a pact with myself that I will never compromise my personality for anyone ever again, and I am now highly conscious of the energies I project onto others.
These days, I find my mind to be calm and composed, free from any mixed feelings regarding the Mistresses in my life. It’s all about those pure vibes, yeah. Prior to a session, I feel chillaxed, and during the session, I feel present, calm and elated. The same sense of good energy continues even after the session ends. I no longer experience any sub-drop. It’s just a consistent flow of elevated energy.
The Mistress I primarily session with now shares a similar easygoing vibe. Is she better than the previous Mistress I had a falling out with? Look, It’s not a matter of comparison. I want to clarify a few points here. Firstly, I am not comparing Mistresses. Secondly, it’s important to note that if I were to project the same nervous and mixed energies onto any other Mistress as I did with my previous one, I would likely end up in the same pickle once more. Thirdly, this is about self-reflection, maturity, and personal growth.
See, I didn’t write this article to bash a Mistress I no longer see, or refer to it as a negative experience. I look at it differently. Life is one big learning curve. No one is perfect, and I’m definitely not, I’ve made my fair share of fuck ups and still do. But this is what life is all about: these crucial moments of devastation turn into opportunities for learning and gaining wisdom that cannot be taught in schools or anywhere else, for that matter. Because it’s a life lesson, you get me? You have to experience it and feel it to truly understand it. Sometimes we are given second chances for screw-ups, and other times that door closes forever. But you know what they say, right? When one door closes, another opens. And depending on the lessons you learn, infinite doors can open instead of just one.
The Importance Of Getting One’s Energies In Check Before Engaging With A Mistress
Getting one’s energies in check before engaging with a Mistress, is hugely slept on, and I believe it should be addressed. Energy courses through everything, and I so wish I had come across a blog like this before visiting my first Mistress. It could have saved me from unnecessary palaver. It would have also helped me realise that I can be submissive while staying true to myself. It’s okay to set personal boundaries and to stick by my guns. It’s fine to have a voice and be upfront, as long as I’m not being a dickhead about it. Most importantly, I don’t need to compromise my personality for nobody. With all that said, being mindful of the energies I project is mega important.
There we have it, Kinky Folks!
I hope you found this blog “Never Compromise Your Personality & Get Your Energies In Check Before Engaging With A Mistress” insightful.
I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this matter. Do you believe it is important to get your energy in check before engaging with a Mistress? You know your feedback is valuable, right?
Let’s encourage one another by sharing this article with others so we can learn and grow together. Moreover, feel free to hit me up on Twitter @podofeleus and Instagram @submissivehusbandstories
Much Kink Love,
Podopheleus 🖤🙏
All links @ Podopheleus | Triple-Formed – Advocate for Change
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