Hey there, Beloved Kinksters! I recently interviewed Manlock regarding being in a submissive closet. The interview was well received by our beloved kinksters. Perhaps because of that response, this is the reason why I called Manlock back for another fetish interview.
In this interview, we delve into issues concerning fetishes, childhood experiences, submissive mindset, stigmatization, and so much more. Make yourselves a hot drink, kinksters! This one goes deep.
In case you missed the first interview, here’s the link to CLOSET SUBMISSIVE INTERVIEW WITH MANLOCK
1. In a nutshell what are your fetishes?
I am still working this out. But since an early age I have always liked the idea of serving and being told what to do. These for me are the foundation of what I am in to. While I do have kinks and I will list them below they are none of them as important as my partner finding me useful or enjoyable or a combination of the two. If She is getting nothing or little from our interaction I won’t either.
Other kinks include but are not limited to:
- Being spat on (Absolute fave)
- Being spanked
- Feet, sock, shoe and ass worship
- Potentially interested in pegging
- Mixed wrestling
- Verbal degradation
- Being controlled
- Sissification and cross dressing
- Recently discovered I like sploshing
There is more but this gives a general idea.
One thing I notice is how difficult it is for me to verbalise my fetishes in a less intimate setting. When I went to events it was easy to tell a woman one-on-one what I am in to when she asked. I am now being interviewed by a man where an unknown amount of people will read this and despite being able to hide behind my alias it is actually incredibly embarrassing for me.
Societal conditioning has done its work well on me it would seem.
2. When did you first develop any kind of fetish and when was it?
My undying desire to serve and be controlled has existed since before I can remember. While I have never actually experienced a relationship or even an evening where I could experience this, I have always longed for it.
I remember when I was 7 or 8 I had an older adopted cousin who had had a hard life before coming to my family. She was pretty cruel and used to bully me and some of the other younger cousins. Sometimes sexually. One of these times she had me pinned down and was stuffing mud in to my trousers and I realised then that I enjoyed what she was doing to me despite it being non-consensual. She then spat on my face and I felt the most confusing enjoyment from the act.
When I was 16 I was homeless and lived under an underground subway on the south coast. Two women walked by and started harassing me while I was sitting there. Both obviously drunk, one of them threatened to steal my clothes while the other hurled abuse at me and kicked me. I didn’t actually enjoy this experience but since then I have thought back to that moment and thought I might have done it in a controlled and consensual environment.
The rest of my fetishes came to me when I first got access to the internet and started to learn about what I was and why I was different. I learned about people enjoying spanking or wanting to serve and it was the first time I realised there were others like me.
3. What level of satisfaction do you get when you realise a fetish and do any outrank others?
I guess I should mention that I haven’t actually experienced most of the fetishes I listed earlier. Without exception the women I have dated have wanted me to take the lead in the bedroom. I guess because I can come across as confident and loud that that is the kind of woman I attract.
When I went to a fetish club a few years ago I met a woman willing to spit on me and I absolutely loved that. It just felt right. It was for fun and there was no affection or familiarity to the action and it was dry and so she was not able to spit much but I loved it all the same. I look back at that moment fondly.
I have also kissed and massaged feet a couple of times at these events and while it did turn me on, more than that it felt like I was home. Like I had been holding on to a breath all my life and only just been allowed to let it go. I think subservience in all of its forms is a powerful and profound feeling when realised that cannot be overstated.
In contrast, the usual sexual activities do little for me. I am entirely indifferent to blowjobs despite that being what most of my partners have wanted to do to get me in the mood. Even when I have stated I am indifferent to them I am always met with the same response. “You haven’t tried my blowjobs though…”
The exception to that is kissing. I absolutely love kissing.
4. Do you feel it engages you as a person when you see through a fetish?
Yes. Absolutely. In-fact, this question is really well worded for this fetish interview because that is exactly how it engages me. As a person. It isn’t just about my penis. It isn’t just about reaching climax or sexual desire.
It is something my entire being longs for. Reaches out for. And so on the few times I have allowed my subby side out of its box it has engaged all of me. In the same way that eating allows all of me to continue being and tastes good, fills the stomach and gives me the energy to continue with my day, subservience enables me to be me.
5. Fetish Interview – How do your fetishes and your desires affect you in everyday life?
They don’t really. I don’t let them. I have become very good at repressing my subby side to a point where even I don’t often know it is there. I can’t allow it to affect my everyday life or I would be unable to achieve all of the things I set out to achieve.
As I mentioned in my last interview (Closet Submissive), it does motivate me to work harder and be a better version of myself at times. My subby side is the side of me that needs to please and to do what I say I will do. So my career has benefited massively from it.
On the flip side there have been times where my desire to please has had a detrimental affect. There are days when it is harder to repress my sub side than others. Usually these are days where I am very tired or upset. On those days there might be a need to be assertive or confrontational. Either in work or in my personal life. And when my subby side demands subservience it becomes a draining internal battle to maintain a decisive and confident front.
But for the most part I keep a tight lid on it to make sure it never gets a chance to express itself to those who might take advantage of it or disdain it.
6. Do you see a duality in your fetish persona and your work persona?
Yes and no. At work I am the boss of 85 staff. I am confident and decisive. But I am not an angry boss. I am not too demanding and I like to think I am empathetic to my staff’s needs. But of course, I cannot allow myself to show subservience.
Part of my role is to coach and coax out the best of my team. To allow them the chance to come up with solutions that work best for them. At these times when I am guiding others I long to be on the other side. To be guided and to allow someone else to take responsibility from me. In-fact it is often suggested that my subby side is in-fact not an inbuilt part of my being but instead a need to escape responsibility. But that isn’t the case. I was born this way. And my desire for someone else to accept dominion over me is far deeper rooted than a reaction to my chosen profession.
7. Can you be a sissy but still be strong in your work life for example?
Of course. I am not a sissy. Or a cross dresser. Or Transgender. I have a yearning to be all three at times but have never had the courage to take the plunge. But I have met all three. They are just people. People who have had to overcome more challenges and persecution than the rest of us. But people nonetheless.
Because it is still considered “odd” for a man to wear women’s clothes I would suggest it shows an amazing strength of character and will for someone to do what their heart is telling them despite adversity. If anything I would say being a cross dresser is an example of someone being strong in their life as opposed to the contrary.
We are all layered constructs with multiple aspects to our complex natures. Where someone might be a crossdresser they could also be a decisive boss, talented pilot or fearsome martial artist. The clothes you wear and the manner you have at any given moment is never mutually exclusive to any other clothes or mannerisms you might have the following day. That is the beauty of life. It is ever changing, ever evolving and always layered.
8. How much of a fear factor do you have about people knowing about your fetishes?
It’s my worst nightmare… no wait, hornets are my worst nightmare. It’s my second worst nightmare. I have so many hang ups about what I am. So many hang ups about a lot of things. I don’t like spending money on myself. I don’t like being subservient. I don’t like my gender confusion. I don’t even like people to know I play video games. (I know right?). To maintain my career and my volunteer work I wear a large mask and I always fear to take it off in-case people see my vulnerabilities.
Subservience is not respected by the general public. As ever it does, the masses often see things as black and white. In this case being dominant is good and being subservient is bad. I am not saying I think that. I don’t. But I do know that were I to out myself much of the life I have fought so hard for and enjoy immensely would be over.
9. Do you feel people with fetishes outside of the mainstream are stigmatised?
I think anything and anyone who dares to drift from the norm is stigmatised. People on the whole do not like different. Combine different with sex, and subservience and people automatically abhor you.
I had a member of staff who was submissive once. Not in the kink sense. Just naturally deferred to his peers. He was a fantastic programmer and a borderline genius. But because of his manner many of his peers would not take him seriously. In meetings I had to quieten his louder peers and directly ask him how he felt about a given topic. His answers were almost always constructive but he was not respected because of his submissive manner.
Another issue I face is I do not respect my own subby side. And so should someone argue that I am “odd” or a “freak”, both terms my two partners used on me when I told them, I had no arguments to counter their points. Because I do not understand it. Or even want it. I accept it because I don’t have a choice but before I can allow myself the freedom to be me, I have to learn to be positive about that side of myself instead of just tolerating her existence within me. I cannot stress enough how difficult that is.
10. How deeply does your needs to be satisfied with regards to social acceptance affect your mental well-being?
Oh I don’t know. This isn’t an easy question to answer because our mental well-being at all times is a result of a multitude of parameters all shifting at any given time. On the whole my mental well-being is fairly good. I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved. I look in the mirror and like who I see. That already allows me to smile where others might not have the capacity.
Of course, I hate having a side of me I neither understand nor want. And it is difficult repressing a part of me that really should be given autonomy. And not fully understanding why I sometimes feel more feminine than masculine or why the clothes I wear feel so wrong or the body I inhabit feels so alien to me can all feel overwhelming at times.
But my life can be quite distracting and so I am able to ignore at best and repress at worst these confusions. To date they have never been debilitating.
Having said all of that there are times when I picture myself and it is my feminine or subby side that shines through the image. At those times I feel empty. Like it doesn’t matter what I have done or who I am. My dishonesty to myself and my repression becomes a form of destructive masochism. So, at those hopeless times when it burns within me it becomes all consuming.
11. Fetish interview – Why do you like to be humiliated, where is the benefit from a personal standpoint?
I wish I knew. How is it that any one person can crave the treatment I crave? I used to think I was broken. I still do at times. But then I remember that we are all broken in some way or other. And yet we continue on regardless.
I honestly can’t answer this question. I just do. I love the feeling of someone looking at me with glee as they humiliate me or treat me as little. I just don’t know why I love it. I wish I didn’t long for that.
12. How’s defeat in a sexual setting give you success in a mental setting?
Another one I cannot answer. For all my life the idea that I am an equal to another and slowly decline to being beneath her is beyond sublime to me. And I have no idea why. I have never experienced it. It’s a fantasy and is likely never to actually happen. (We all of us have impossible fantasies I think).
Mentally the scenario of being defeated either physically or socially is uplifting and, at risk of over using the phrase, it feels right. I don’t know why. It is a part of me that I have never allowed to surface and so have not yet had a chance to explore.
There we have it, kinksters. Once again, a big shout out to Manlock – thank you for sharing your story and thoughts in this fetish interview – something that many of us can relate to. Kinksters, you can connect with Manlock on Facebook, Twitter or Fetlife.
Much Kink Love
P.S. Interested to read other interviews with Submissive Men…? Then check out this blog too.