Guest blog: “FinDom – is it as good as sex?” by @nogoodinbed

Well, to lots of subs in the FinDom community, sending to a Dom is their sex. The answer is subjective of course, because 90% of Subs who will try to answer this question probably can’t remember how good sex actually was. At least sex with another person.

FinDom – is it as good as sex?

Vanilla to submissive

That may be a bit unfair. I admit I did start my journey as a submissive as both a vanilla male who’d switch to my submissive fetish on occasion. It would be like an on/off switch. I’d enjoy role playing as a sub. But the longer and more often I engaged it became more a volume control, or mixer control then a switch between two states. Originally it was mainly vanilla in that mix and I’d work hard to push up the fetish which would be a bit elastic and would then ping back to its original setting.

But like all elastic you can stretch it too much and you start to change your sexual triggers.

You’d laugh watching some hypno video, but it would change you slightly. You’d squeeze on a chastity device for hours and you’re like a locked bull, then for a few days and then a bit longer. Then suddenly you realise that it isn’t going onto a raging bull, when you take it off you aren’t as desperate for sexual relief, but you enjoy the submissive feeling of wearing it, where your masculinity has been toned down. Then you are in the market for a slightly smaller chastity device. 

Then suddenly you realise that your sexual elastic has stretched so much that it isn’t pinging back to where it had been.

What it means is that this isn’t role play anymore, you have become the sub you played to be. It is now your default setting. You can still do vanilla sex, but that is now the role play that you are engaged in. That elastic isn’t going back without help. Chances are that your sexual performance was on the wane anyway, that opportunity for sex had faded, particularly for older subs. And that becomes your choice, do you continue on or try to go back?

Question about sex

Everyone’s background and circumstances are different. Some may be single, others divorced\separated or widowed. Sex and new relationships are often linked, so this can be an issue. But if you don’t want a relationship then it isn’t a problem, or if you are in a now sexless relationship then it isn’t a problem. So it becomes a question about sex. If sex with someone isn’t happening, or is unlikely to happen you need to ask yourself is annual or bi-annual sex ok?

If you discount seeing a sex worker, what are you left with, especially if you have something approximating to a sex drive? You can go to Cams, and you can on the Cams get something of a relationship, even if it is transactional. You can masturbate alone to pictures, but it could be the interaction you miss. But you need that relief still.

Introducing Findom – is it as good as sex?

So this is where FinDom came in for me – and others. The sexual elastic is over stretched and I am comfortable with it. The idea of being a full-time sub, isn’t feasible, you may not have a vanilla sex life but you have a vanilla job and lifestyle, and just because you choose to be sexually submissive, that doesn’t mean your vanilla life is as a submissive man.

Same for describing yourself as a Beta and Loser, that is within the sexual context, not elsewhere. A broke Loser isn’t of much use.

I embraced FinDom

When I am in FinDom I am not role playing. I am a sexual beta, a submissive and I embrace that. I’m not a lonely wanker. There is a whole community of Dommes and goddesses who welcome me for what I am. They are catering to me and so conversations and connections are made with Dommes. (And I mean Dommes, not the mean girls grabbing cash as one-offs).

It is acceptable for me to jerk and send money. A connection is made between a send and an orgasm. If you want to cum, you need to make a connection and do a send. It is a new trigger.

Then you start playing games, if a chat and a send is like a hand job, then a RTGame is like a BJ and full-scale drain is like hot steamy sex. Each involve bigger sends and more sends. 

This is submissive sex

This is submissive sex, maybe better to say submissive masturbation, the Domme isn’t involved sexually. You aren’t even fantasising about having sex with her, you aren’t jerking to her. You are jerking for her.

Findom Games

While you are naked, kneeling on the floor, bringing yourself to a state of sexual pleasure, edging yourself as you watch the figures rackup on flash 20-minute RTGame. You know the Domme isn’t laying on her bed pretending to engage. She is just as likely to be watching Emmerdale on TV and chatting to friends. The game ends, you pay and cum (hopefully in that order, because if the other way round your inclination to pay is lowered!).

You feel sexually fulfilled. This has been more than just jerking off. No-one has seen you, but it is in your head, the Domme is pleased and those endorphins of yours are flowing. You should feel pleased, and the Domme’s real work now begins to make sure you feel content with what has happened and are not filled with regrets.

That is the difference between a Domme and mean-girl. The mean-girl will be gone, whereas the Domme realises she now spends 10-15 minutes chatting and helping you to come down and out of subspace. In a way this is what you are paying for. It is in the Domme’s interest to repeat custom, so to speak.


On a few occasions, I have got into that total sub-space outside a game. Usually preceded by a long chat, for me often a general vanilla chat, a little send is done, then another, I start to feel more aroused, I am more open to instruction. I am naked, stripped, I am writing on my body. Video responses fill my DMs. I feel the need to send again, so I do. I’m asked to double it, I do. I’m in a place of extreme pleasure.

She tells me she is fucking me, fucking my wallet. Fuck me harder, I say, I send again. She pushes me slightly, surely this is it. I want to climax and make another final send. My heart is pounding, I’m hot and sweaty and climaxing. The Domme continues to watch TV, she sips her tea and checks her other message. Good boy she says. We chat and I feel good.

The rest of the evening I find that I am worn-out, like I’ve run a mile, I feel bloody great. I feel as though I’ve had sex. I have had sex. I’ve sent over £120+ but it feels like money well spent. I message my Domme again, I am not a forgotten client. I am one of her Losers and then the key point, she says I am one of her ‘regular subs’.

So, is FinDom as good as sex? It is now my sex, and it can feel great.


There we have it, Findom Lovers! Now you know FinDom – is it as good as sex? 

A huge Shout-Out to @nogoodinbed for writing this informative article about Findom, for Podopheleus readers. 

Follow @nogoodinbed on Twitter. 

Kinksters let’s support each other – so please SHARE this informative article with other like-minded individuals! Also, feel free to hit me up on Twitter @podofeleus and Instagram @Podopheleus.

Much Kink Love,

Podopheleus 🖤

All links @ Podopheleus | Triple-Formed – Advocate for Change

P.S. Read more articles about Findom BELOW….

What is Findom? Mistress Money Galore reveals all…

To aspiring Findoms… Paypigs, & Beta-males

The Seductive Findom Goddess

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