I was drawn to cuckolding when I was living in a long-term sexless marriage. In reality, I didn’t in fact know that I was drawn to cuckolding, I just preferred fucking married women who had cuckold their husbands. They seemed more accessible and safer than fucking single women when I was married, and I wasn’t looking for more than NSA sex at the time in that we were raising kids. In those days, the husbands of the women I fucked were cuckold without their consent. In other words, their wives were cheating on them, that’s what non-consensual cuckolding is.
The road to cuckolding and more…..
After my marriage ended, I took a deep dive into my sexuality, specifically wanting to explore kink, and was not yet interested in looking for a longer-term relationship while I worked out the details of my divorce. I was lucky in a way, because one of my first interactions after my marriage occurred when I was approached by a man who after reading my Fetlife profile, who offered his wife to me for my unrestricted use. He identified as a cuckold and he referred to his wife has a Hotwife. They were quite openly a Hotwife/cuckold couple. It was a massive turn on. I found the experience of fucking a Hotwife at the invitation of her cuck way more erotic than fucking an unsuspecting husband’s wife. There was something about the idea of him at home hot and bothered, monitoring his phone for messages and photos while I played with his wife, it felt good, as a sadistic Bull, to be able to send him hard core photos knowing that he was both agitated and enjoying the humiliation. To be sure, he definitely loved and appreciated the photos I sent of his wife in the midst of a hard-core scene, even by kinky standards, and she reported that even though he was “quite put off” by the way I used her, and objected to the marks she came home with he was aroused by them and beyond that, I found that I derived a great deal of pleasure in his arousal/discomfort. She and I both enjoyed the implicit humiliation of the cuck who was at home masturbating to photos of me using her like the submissive masochist she was. When she went home, which she always did because I never invited her sleep over, she looked forward to reconnecting with him with their “reclaiming sex” ritual that she reported to be very “hot” for her, even though sex with her cuck was straight vanilla sex. He worshiped her with passion. Often the scenes I enjoyed with her lasted several hours, and so after I had used her hard, she went home exhausted with cane and other marks. She shared that when she got home, he would be ravenous, and they would have primal sex because her being marked seemingly aroused him more than he was used to even though he viscerally objected to the marks. He often complained to me about the marks I left on her, but even so, he got off on knowing that she was thrilled about being used every week by me just the same.
To read my interview with Podopheleus click here
In search of Hotwives
As I think about that dynamic, when I was in the space of seeking kinky sexual encounters with no strings attached, I got to fuck and use a submissive kinky masochist with the approval of her husband, she got to explore her kinky slutty self with his support, and he got to enjoy his humiliation and be in service as her cuckold. This weekly experience, which lasted about 3 years, set me on a quest to find and fuck Hotwives who had consensual cucks at home. I enjoyed the lifestyle as a Bull, and I loved the sex positive sexual freedom that the lifestyle promoted. I found myself spending time on the Hotwife boards both searching for Hotwives to fuck as well as cucks to humiliate. I got off on both. It was very worthwhile to explore this dynamic as a horny Bull, and as a kinky sadist I also got off on the humiliation aspect of the dynamic beyond the sadistic play I enjoyed with the Hotwives. I was both surprised at how readily the Hotwives were to take me on as their Bull and how completely the cucks supported their wife in their sexual self-expression. It was a revelation.
The satisfaction of a Bull
There’s is an historical aspect to the Bull’s satisfaction that goes beyond the joy of sleeping with the wife of the cuck. The first use of the word “cuckold” is reputed to be in 1250 in the Medieval debate poem “The Owl and the Nightingale” of unknown authorship. Then later, Shakespeare and Moliere write about cuckolding in their works. Many of Shakespeare’s characters suspected that they had become “cuckold”. The word derives from the cuckoo bird which has a habit of laying its eggs in other birds’ nests. Several of Shakespeare’s tragic characters were cuckold and the audiences of the time, both in comedies and tragedies, took pleasure in the predicament of the cuckold in the plays of the day. In 1660, Moliere first performed the one-act comedy “Sganarelle, or the Imaginary Cuckold”, a story dealing with the consequences of jealousy involving the lead character, his wife and her young lovers.
There are also historical non-fiction examples as well where, in the time of Court of Charles the 2nd, (1660-1685) for instance, Roger Palmer was the Earl of Castlemaine in the King’s court. King Charles took the Earl’s wife, Barbara Villiers, as his lover, cuckolding the Earl. In the diaries of Samuel DePeppes, he comments about the “delight that the affair gave the King and the court”, especially noting the humiliation that the Earl suffered as a result of being cuckolded to the King. The humiliation extended even to the manner in which the Earl’s title was bestowed. Earl Palmer’s title was a non-hereditary title implying that the Earl himself was not the father of his children, which had the very humiliating impact of forcing him to acknowledge his being cuckold very publicly. As was the nature of the audience of 500 years ago the experience of the Bull today seems to be sourced in the same simple pleasure that the Bull takes in the humiliation of the cuck even beyond the humiliation generated by the taking of the cuck’s wife.
In this dynamic, there are at least 3 participants: The Hotwife, the cuckold and the Bull.
The Hotwife, the cuckold and the Bull.
The cuckold is the humiliated husband of the “cuckholdress”, who in today’s vernacular, we refer to as the “Hotwife”, she is the adulterous naughty insatiable wife who explores her sexuality outside of her marriage with complicit consent and even the active participation of her emasculated husband. For the Bull, cuckholding is considered a fetish. The Hotwife lifestyle is an ethical non-monogamous power exchange lifestyle with a dominant woman and a submissive husband being the primary relationship. For many, that is a big part of the appeal. Dominance and submission.
There is a lot of energy and continues to be ongoing organic growth of Female Led Relationship (FLR) dynamics these days, and in many ways, The Hotwife lifestyle is the ultimate FLR. What appeals to the couple about the FLR? We have talked to many Hotwives and cucks, and there is no absolute. Some FLR’s develop because the wife desires or even demands it, and some because the cuck request it. The point is that in the end, the dominant woman is a very sexy creature for a submissive man to serve. The power that she wields in her personal dynamic with the cuck and the Bulls she fucks often carries over powerfully into the rest of her life giving her a lot of personal confidence in her worldly dealings. There is clearly the appeal of the simple power exchange that takes place between a dominant and submissive. From there, the appeal to the Hotwife lifestyle is bifurcated. On one hand she gets to explore her own sexuality to her hearts content with any man she chooses who can truly satisfy her while at the same time, she humiliates and emasculates her husband by denying him, sometimes putting him in (extended) chastity, sissifying him, and pegging him. She might even cut him off all together as she nullifies his sexual urges. It’s often the case that she requires her cuck to clean her and/or her Bull, and perhaps even serve as a fuck hole “gurl” for her Bull’s use. There are dynamics that involve the deep subjugation of the cuck to “slave” status where he is simply the submissive play-toy she gets to explore her dominance with. She might use bigger and bigger dildoes to peg him with, she might do CBT (cock and ball torture), she might fist-fuck him and she might use a paddle or other impact play toys on him, and all because she enjoys it. She may want her cuck to watch her get fucked, and she may tie him up and leave him caged as he does so. There are Hotwives who simply use their cucks for financial support while she cavorts around the world with her Bull at his expense. So, for her, at its core, the strongest appeal is the power exchange combined with her sexual self-expression, and there is something very erotic about sexually dominating her husband, all of which are aspects of her own sexual self-expression.
For the cuckold, the draws are complementary. Consider, you cannot have one without the other. They are opposite sides of the same coin. He is a submissive man who is sexually at peace as the submissive partner in a FLR. He loves his wife and is simply, at root, a stand for her complete self-expression, including her total sexual satisfaction. It is quite common in this lifestyle to find cucks who have a small or even a tiny penis, and he simply cannot physically bring his wife to orgasm. So, for him, a substitute penis is desirable. She also might have had the experience of being fucked by a man with a large dick in her time and so she knows the difference. I know of many Hotwives who humiliate their husbands by comparing his tiny dick with her Bull’s monster dick. He is fully supportive of her pursuit and a lot of his sexual excitement is wrapped up in his voyeuristic fantasies. He masturbates thinking about his wife with another man, or while watching them fuck, and he gets aroused when she sends him photos of her being fucked by her Bull’s monster dick. He eagerly cleans up her cum filled pussy or ass when she comes home. He sniffs her cum filled panties after her night of hot sex and he loves that he is denied and even caged so he cannot even express himself sexually without her permission. His sexual energy is directed at pleasing her. He does what she asks. If she tells him to “wear panties from now on”, he does so. If she requires him to wear stockings and heels and lingerie when he is watching her Bull fuck her, he does so. If she assigns him to clean up duty or fluffing duty, he does as he is told, and he does so because it pleases her.
The appeal of Cuckolding
One of the most powerful appeals of cuckolding for the Hotwife is the chastity and the denial aspect of the relationship. I have met cucks in long term chastity who tell me that “nothing clears the mind as much as having their wife serve as their key holder”. Controlling his sexual behavior through denial is both super dominant on one hand and very sexy on the other. It’s very common to have a Hotwife tease the cuck in chastity by rubbing her pussy on his cage or licking his caged cock. We have had Hotwives tell us that they try to get their cuck to “drip precum in their cage”, and that they like to deny their cuck to the point of the cuck experiences spontaneous ejaculation that they then have to sheepishly confess. On the other hand, orgasm after denial is immensely powerful, and the denial itself becomes addicting. She might restrict his release to a weekly (or less frequent) only allowing him release by milking with two fingers of her gloved hand into a cocktail glass that he is required to drink, and he will happily comply because as a deeply submissive cuck who cannot satisfy her, he is obedient to his dominant wife and loves her whole heartedly. Many cucks I know are so aroused by their Hotwife being used by another man that they will inflict pain on their cock and balls while she is being fucked. Their lot in life as sexual creatures is to be emasculated and humiliated. It’s their kink and it excites them. Cuckolds are often very titillated about sending their wife out on a date to meet a new Bull. He will shop for her, take photos of her and help her preen. Getting the Hotwife laid is a team effort.
The third person in the dynamic is the Bull. He can be a friend or colleague. He may know the husband personally and be introduced to his wife with the intention of gifting her to him. Very often, he is unknown to the husband and is someone the Hotwife has either seduced or been seduced by. What makes the Bull a Bull, and speaking personally I can say this with certainty, is that he knows how to bring a woman to mind blowing orgasmic climax. I know that I considered myself a stud, and I am sure other Bulls feel the same. He is a hot-sex specialist. He satisfies the Hotwife in ways her cuck can only fantasize about. One reason might be that with his invariably good size dick, she is turned on in a completely different way than she is with her husband’s pencil dick. While we know that a massive dick is not a requirement, one that dwarfs her husband’s tiny cock is very often the currency she needs for her own sexual arousal. The Bull, being a third person in the dynamic offers an opportunity. It is not uncommon in the dynamic for the cuck to be submissive to both the Hotwife and to the Bull. The Hotwife may at the same time be submissive only to the Bull while comfortable be quite dominant over the cuck. This was my reality. I fucked submissive women who were dominant over their cuckold. Sometimes the dominance was kinky and sometimes it was not. The point is that they submitted to me and they also dominated him. They were “switches” in kink terminology.
It is not uncommon for the Bull and the Hotwife to take on dominating the cuck together, I never had the pleasure personally, even so I can attest that the appeal to the Bull is the simple chest puffing truth that as the Bull he fucks other men’s wives with no strings attached, and often while they watch in person or online. It’s very hot. Caged and denied as they are, they know he fucks their Hotwife and they can do fuck all about it, they may enjoy or resent him for fucking their Hotwife and if they resent it, they have to live with it because they are the submissive in a FLR, it’s her choice, and that’s that. They may be thrilled that the Bull is fucking their Hotwife and If the Bull is so inclined, he may well use the submissive himself, to fluff him before he fucks her, or to clean his cock off after he has fucked her pussy or ass, or on occasion to he may choose to use the cuck as fuck hole for himself. Forced bisexuality is a fetish that is common in the lifestyle. Very often, it’s the Bull who drives the Hotwife to fully sissify her cuck to make him a pretty “gurl” for him to fuck. This is not an uncommon fetish that the Bull has. He might encourage her to sissify her cuck by making him wear a wig and makeup in addition to frilly lingerie along with his cock cage to have him appeal to the Bull. She has him refer to his caged cock as his little clitty, and his ass becomes his “gurl pussy”. I know of cucks who are being sissified by the Bull rather than the Hotwife, and enjoying it. Although it’s unusual, I have heard of cucks who are encouraged by their wife to engage fully in transformation including hormone therapy and orchidectomy.
There is no one way to skin this. Inside of the power exchange there are any number of variables that drive a man and a woman to make the choice for her to step out on him and for him to be OK with and even supportive of her doing so. It’s naughty and fun and very sexy. From the very vanilla, (most of my cuckolding experiences involved non-kinky triangles), to the very extreme BDSM kink scenes, from mild sissification to complete transformation, the basic motivation boils down to this: She gets to explore her sexuality fully and he does too. She is encouraged to be promiscuous to her satisfaction and he is required to get related to himself as a devoted submissive in service of her wellbeing. Even so, in some dynamics, the cuck may have reclaiming sex privileges. They may regularly have sex with their wife as well, but in that she is free to go out on him, and he is required to stay loyal to her, the dynamic is a FLR power exchange regardless of his access to her pussy. If you read the Hotwife message boards, you will find that there are as many variables in the dynamic as there are people. The Hotwife, cuckold and Bull roles are not tightly defined and do not limit the options. A Hotwife’s Bull may be her lesbian lover for example. They may dominate the cuck together. My point is that these words are just labels and the color in the relationship is created in the playing out of the dynamic of the power exchange over time between the players. One of the real appeals of the cuckold lifestyle is that it is an ethical non-monogamous lifestyle. There is generally good communication between the cuck and the Hotwife. Very often the couple first meets the Bull in person as a couple, and together they decide if the Bull is the right person to include in their dynamic. I know Bulls who require that the couple’s relationship be strong enough to allow an outside lover to bed the Hotwife. In that way the relationships are often quite healthy. I know of many long-lived cuckold couples who are going strong after decades of living the lifestyle.
Being in a Hotwife/Cuckolding relationship
In most instances, being in a Hotwife/Cuck relationship brings the two lovers closer together than ever. Many of the couples I know in the scene are happier in the dynamic than at any time in their relationship. The magic is back. At the same time, the most significant challenge to the lifestyle is that she might find herself falling in love with her Bull in a manner that detracts from her primary relationship. When this happens, the relationship switches from simple no-strings sex dynamic to a full-blown romance. Unless there is an agreement for a polyamorous dynamic from the get-go, the cuck is in danger of losing his wife. This sometimes happens. First, she starts spending more time with her Bull, then she starts fluid bonding and then sleeping over for the weekend. Then next thing you know, she is starting to spend weeknights there too and next, she barely comes home. This is often a very depressing state of affairs to the cuck who, physically abandoned, is now left being financially dominated as well, in that she expects him to continue to support her and often her Bull as well. There are those cucks who fantasize about this, but when it actually does occur, its often quite devastating.
The cuckold lifestyle is a sex positive, sex forward lifestyle that allows a married dominant woman and her submissive husband to be related in an incredibly beautiful power dynamic that has all the elements of sexuality to explore from group sex to chastity to sissification to forced bisexuality, to hard core kink, to denial, and everything in between. I think that in the end, the real appeal of the lifestyle is the ability of a couple to be fully self-expressed in their sexuality without constraint. Not all couples are naturally male dominated, and they may find they work best with female leadership. Its why the FLR is so popular today. As women throw off the yolk of the patriarchy, they find their power in their relationship by leveraging their sexuality. It’s a beautiful thing. It used to be that women were pejoratively called sluts when they spread their legs willingly, now women have taken the word back.
Books like “The Ethical Slut” and “More Than Two” and others are very popular reading today. We are in a sexual awakening that has taken place over the past 12 years or so regarding the cuckolding. In this new sexual freedom, women are flexing their muscles. Women have taken back the word “slut” which now means something completely different than it used to. Today, the word “slut” means “…one who is accepting of their enjoyment of sex and the pleasure of physical intimacy with others…” In a sex positive world, the FLR and the Hotwife/Cuck dynamic are examples of women flexing their power as sluts.
The world of Submissives
In the world of submissives, the choice to be submissive, to give up one’s power to the chosen dominant is a recognition that service is the language of love. The way that a submissive serves his dominant wife to amplify her as his leader, his Mistress, his Queen, says more about where his sexuality lies than anything else. He is at effect of her. His sexuality is hers to control. Being a submissive cuck is not the same thing as being a weak man. It’s important to know that many or even most of the cucks I have encountered are emotionally strong accomplished men who are in positions of power in their profession and who choose to serve their spouse. It’s important to realize that being a Hotwife doesn’t make her powerful and him weak in the same way that being a cuckold does not make him weak and her powerful. This is a power exchange that lives in the world of consent. She has his power because he chooses to gift his power to her. Even if the relationship becomes a discipline based dynamic, he still has to gift her his power day by day. It’s a relationship of choice. I have met men who were in a FLR in an earlier relationship, then they felt like they needed to lead a relationship, in which they discovered that their authentic self needed to be of service to their partner, and they then returned to the FLR lifestyle where they were much happier. In the same way that I am naturally dominant, there are heterosexual women who are naturally dominant. And in the same way that my partner is naturally submissive, there are heterosexual men who are naturally submissive. It’s hard wired into their brains.
What I love, more than anything, about the Hotwife/cuckold dynamic is that you have three people (at least) involved in a consensual sex positive dynamic where the exploration of the power dynamic, sexuality generally, and kink are all welcome with each of the participants experiencing their full self-expression without constraint.
You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com.
SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.
Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here.
Support the podcast or sign up for coaching here.
Visit Lady Petra’s Playground to find all of our content.