Mistress Vipers guide on how to approach a Dominant Professional.
So, you’re kinky, probably submissive and you’ve realised you want to see a professional mistress. You know Dominant women are picky about how you approach, and you don’t know where to start.
How about here; with my guide to approaching a professional mistress. I’ve broken this into some clear steps, as well as some further titbits of advice on a respectful approach.
How to approach a Dominant Professional – Step one: Research.
Research your mistress, make sure she is the person you wish to serve. Scour her social media, her wish lists. If she has a website; it becomes your bible, study every word she has said to ensure this is the person you wish to serve.
Step two: Reaching Out.
Once you’ve realised who your mistress is, it’s time to approach. Dominatrices will usually have one of three ways to approach:
- An Email address
- A contact form on a website
- Occasionally; via DM.
You should know which method of contact is preferred from your initial research. When approaching, I would strongly suggest a tribute or gift alongside. No matter how small. Some Dommes will not read any enquiries that don’t come with a tribute, some don’t mind. Again, from research you should know. If you aren’t sure I would suggest a smaller tribute or gift with either your name or social media handle attached, mentioned in your initial approach.
When approaching you should remember the following:
- Always be polite and make a well formed and thought-out approach. A Domme will NOT waste her time with a DM of simply the words ‘cuck?’ or ‘Pegging?’. Most will not respond to a two–line email with no courtesy either. If your Domme sends you an application form or has one on their website, you are expected to complete every single section. I love someone that misses a section on my application form; I’ll immediately stop reading and protect my precious time.
- Remember that a Dominatrix is still a human being; you should tell them what you want, or what you would prefer in a session but do NOT make demands. Dominatrices are not fantasy dispensers; they are talented artisans offering you a service they excel in. Respect the professional status.
- If you can’t find a Dominatrices pricing on her information, you should absolutely ask. If you cannot afford a session, do not try and haggle. This is disrespectful and will never work out. I personally would rather you either stop responding or wait and save up, than disrespect my time by haggling on the price.
- It might be tempting to send paragraph upon paragraph detailing your fantasies and wishes for a session but remember how busy your Domme is. Her time is valuable, and you need to fit into her schedule. Be polite, be clear but above all be as brief as possible, especially with a first contact.
How to approach a Dominant Professional – Step three: Wait.
I know it’s tempting to email again if you don’t get an immediate reply, or to check that your email was received; but this is universally discouraged and will not make for a happy Domme. Remember to check your junk or spam folder as most of us are on email providers naughty lists! If you don’t get a reply within a week, assume you didn’t meet the criteria.
You can email again, include your initial email but make sure you are polite, not demanding and make yourself ‘look good’ with a tribute, gift or something thoughtful. If you still receive no reply, or a no then address within yourself why: do not begin demanding explanations from a Domme.
Step four: The Booking.
Your polite contact worked; your new Domme is letting you book in a session. Your Domme will do one of two things: Tell you the dates or times she has available or ask you for dates and times you are available. Remember to still be respectful and confirm the information your Domme needs.
On to the next thing she will request: A deposit. This is to secure your Dommes valuable time, and usually to reserve space in a relevant location. Most providers will ask for a 25% or 50% deposit. Again, this is not negotiable. A deposit is to secure your Dommes valuable time, and usually to reserve space in a relevant location.
As soon as, or just before you confirm your session date and time, send your deposit with your confirmation email. You should also ask how your new Mistress wishes to receive the rest of her tribute and when. This is usually the start of the session in either cash or via online payment.
Step five: Your Session.
Congratulations! You made it to the big day, your first session. Although this isn’t how to approach, here is some handy hints or expected behaviours.
- Always have payment ready, in the preferred format (cash, cahsapp, paypal, whatever it is it should be paid at the start of your time together.
- Be punctual, turn up at the agreed time. Do not turn up early, your Mistress is likely busy. If you are running late let your Mistress know, apologise and expect there to be an additional charge or punishment doled out for this. Remember your session will not be extended afterwards, you paid for a timeslot and that is what you get.
- Hygiene! Turn up showered and clean, with teeth brushed and a VERY clean ass if that’s going to be part of your session. I would suggest douching before you leave to see your Mistress should anal play be on the cards.
- Eat on the day of your session! I know you’re nervous, and maybe worried about assplay, but you need to have eaten and had some water before your session. With the physical elements of play; you seriously could pass out if you’re running on an empty tank. Eat a couple of hours before, and douche, this will ensure you have some fuel for the session and still remain clean.
The rest, well that’s up to your Domme isn’t it?
Lastly; here are some little tips on effective communication & interaction with a Domme.
- Remember your manners, I much prefer an email that asks how my day is, thanks me for my time and has a polite signoff.
- Remember to capitalise your Dommes title, be it Mistress, Goddess or any other, it should be capitalised at the start this shows her position above you. In much the same vein, your name should always have a lower-case letter to start, a reminder of your place beneath her.
- Do not bombard your Domme with communications, no multiple emails or messages. Instead send well formed & thought-out responses to her. We value patience.
- When communication online: do not use words like ‘session’, ‘payment’, these specific words can get accounts shut down. instead use ‘serving you’ and ‘tribute’.
- Do not EVER push a Dommes limits or boundaries, if she does not offer a certain service you want; she won’t be pressured into it and you will be ignored, or worse ‘blacklisted’
- Remember that your Dominant is a professional, and a powerful one at that. Don’t start asking questions about our personal lives, ‘real’ names or serving us personally (we know that means for free) The more time you wish to spend with a mistress, the more that will cost. End of.
Well, there you go. Mistress Vipers guide on approaching a mistress, from initial research right thorough to entering the play space.
Should you wish to approach me, or any of my colleagues, remember these rules and I hope they’ll help you go far.
There we have it, Kinky Ones, now you know how to approach a Dominant Professional!
I hope you enjoyed reading – Mistress Vipers guide on how to approach a Dominant Professional.
A Big big Shout-Out to the wonderful – Mistress Viper! I thank you so much for taking time from your hectic schedule to write this informative guide for submissive men on how to approach a proDomme.
Be sure to check out Mistress Viper’s links to Her social media, contact etc, so you don’t miss out on the latest!
Much Kink Love,
P.S. Did you know that I interviewed Mistress Viper in relation to, ‘What is kink counselling? Can BDSM help one’s Mental health?’
Read the full interview HERE:
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