Hello again, Beloved Chastity Lovers!
What is Locktober? Or Locktoberfest? as I like to call it. Wait a minute, I swear Locktoberfest is a Celebration of the Harvest on New York State’s Canals! Erm!? Anyhoo! Once again, I teamed up with the chastity educator – Key Barrett to learn more about Locktober.
Oh, and just in case you missed our last interview, here it is again.
What’s the deal with Locktober? Why is it such a big thing? And who coined it?
Locktober (sometimes Loctober) is a month-long challenge where someone (usually a male) remains ‘locked up’ in a chastity device for an entire month. If you guessed that month was October, you win a prize. That prize is your genitalia being locked for 31 days. Often, this is done with the help of a ‘keyholder’, the person in possession of the key that unlocks the chastity device.
The earliest reference I can find is from 2013 but it seems to have started in 2016 in earnest. I have participated since 2017, myself. D20Domme (whom you should follow) has a very good writeup about Locktober and its history.
Locktober seems to be gaining in popularity due to a few factors:
It gets written up every year in places like The Independent, Vice, and others.
Locked penises are appearing more frequently in Femdom, Maledom and trans porn, leading to piqued interest in potential participants.
Chastity devices have moved from the ‘naughty novelty’ section of the porn shop to Amazon and independent shops where you can choose between literally hundreds of devices.
Persons such as myself and others have written books on chastity grounded in the potential psychological benefits of practicing ‘enforced’ chastity with a partner or partners, which is beginning to normalize it the way ‘pegging’ was.
Though I mention it in a context of a locked partner and keyholder, Locktober is open to singletons, couples, throuples, groups, gay, straight, bi, ace and traditional cisgender couples. You don’t need a dick to be locked for Locktober, you don’t even need to be officially ‘locked’, though the chastity device and its effects are half the fun! Though it definitely originated in the kink and BDSM world, it is accessible to vanilla couples interested in trying something new. It definitely combines a lot of the really special things about BDSM like sex-positivity, connection your mind to your body, shame-free participation, and willingness to step out of your comfort zone, but in a way that doesn’t require a heavy investment or fundamental change to your sex-life.
How does one prepare for Locktober?
This varies depending on your experience level, whether you have a keyholder on not, and what you hope to get out of it. For the person locking themselves up, they should read books and investigate how to properly size, put on and maintain a chastity device at the very least. It also helps to read up on other people’s experiences with long-term chastity (and agreeing to forgo traditional ejaculative orgasms for a month with the help of a device qualifies as ‘long-term’) as the emotional changes can be profound for some people. They are certainly intense for me any time my wife locks me up for more than three days or so.
For couples, throuples, groups and people engaging in a contract with a Dom/me to lock up and forgo for a month, the biggest preparation is communication. Both the keyholder and the locked should share questions and ideas with each other beforehand. What do you hope to achieve? Why are you trying it? What are the rules? Who has say about when you can be unlocked? Will there be any sex in chastity? Yes, sex in chastity is a real thing and it is mind-blowing.
Like anything, you get out what you put in. It is best when you have a keyholder to experience all the frustrations, processes, new emotions and feelings with, and have a conduit to both discuss it with and focus it on, but it’s not required.
Do you have to stay locked the whole time? Even at night?
This definitely falls under communication. I personally don’t keep it on at night anymore. It’s not necessary. I won’t cheat in bed. I put it on before the morning shower, and take it off before crawling into bed with my wife, unless she has designs to get frisky while I’m locked. Then it stays on, because I have pretty good willpower, but every man has his limits.
Metal ‘birdcage’ style devices are easier to clean, maintain and keep on overnight. Their drawback is they are heavy and more prone to slippage during the day. If you are going to be a daywearer, I recommend a plastic device, as it is light, tight and feels right, but must be cleaned and should not be worn for more than 12-16 hours at a time. Others may disagree but I wouldn’t wear a plastic closed tube style device overnight.
What happens if I have an emergency, or the pain becomes unbearable?
Always, ALWAYS have a spare key with you. Locktober is a commitment, a vow in a way, to try denial and explore the feelings and emotions that arise from it, but at no time should that vow come above your health and safety. A chastity device is like a wedding ring: It can be taken off when it chafes and having it off doesn’t immediately mean you are going to cheat.
What are the best 24/7 chastity devices? Or what are the best chastity devices for Locktober?
Absolutely metal if you’re going 24/7. It’s just easier to maintain. As an entry level device, this one has several nice features: A low price point, curved base and a barrel lock. Barrel locks make no noise, which is a big deal. If you find you like chastity, spurge on a more expensive, well crafted device.
For plastic, you cannot beat this for beginners: Barrel lock and a curved base in several sizes, guaranteeing you will find one tight enough to hold you in place but not so tight your balls feel pinched.
Should one experiment with devices before going straight into Locktober?
It is preferred, if only to prevent failing because of bad fit or other preventable discomfort.
What benefits could one gain from doing Locktober?
For the person being locked there’s an almost never-ending list of benefits. Every person is different. Some experience all of these, some experience very little:
Better focus after a few days.
rechanneling of diffuse sexual energy into purposeful energy.
Discovering the difference between healthy masturbation (stress release, just because, etc) and unhealthy masturbation (Mastrubation instead of talking about it, instead of intimacy together, instead of dealing with the stressor).
Rekindling those early date butterflies with your partner.
Tapping into a desire to see your partner satisfied and happy for no other reason that you want that.
Discovering new nuances about your partner’s sexuality and sensuality.
New sexual experiences with a focus towards your partner’s pleasure.
Learning that sexual satisfaction does not always require an orgasm to be satisfying.
For the key holder, especially for (but not exclusive to) women:
Long-term lockup presents a chance at honest, real conversations about sex and their sensuality in a sensual but non-committal environment. Because the keyholder has established rules ahead of time, there is absolutely zero pressure to engage when they want to talk about sexuality and intimacy. Let’s be honest, normal discussions about sex and intimacy are often seen as a prelude to sex itself, whether they should be or not.
For keyholders with lower libidos than their partners, long-term ‘enforced’ chastity is a very low-effort, prolonged and intimate foreplay with their partner that leads to a spectacularly satisfying finale for the locked partner and likely increased sex drive for the keyholder.
Being a keyholder is empowering. Boyfriends, genderfluid partners, girlfriends, husbands all come to view their keyholders with a degree of reverence after a week or so being denied. This reverence translates into myriad confidence building activities and benefits.
For women, Locked partners can develop a much higher degree of appreciation not just for who their keyholders are and what they do, but every aspect of their sensuality. Long-term chastity de-focuses the locked partner’s drive from vagina-centered intercourse towards appreciating sights, sounds, touch, etc. When all the locked partner gets is the keyholder’s pleasure, the keyholder’s pleasure simply becomes their everything. They positively hang on every coo of a foot rub or every purr of satisfaction from a room well-cleaned or a dinner prepped and ready.
Sex in chastity can be extremely satisfying as it is centered on the keyholder, taken at the pace the keyholder wants, comes with no obligation for either the keyholder’s orgasm or reciprocation, and is performed by an adoring, doe-eyed, worshipful partner, whose pleasure hangs on the keyholder’s next sight, sound, taste or movement.
How does Locktober differentiate between doing it with a pro-domme or going solo or being a part of a D/s relationship? Etc…
Levels of communication and expected outcomes. When doing this solo, it’s harder to process what you are feeling, it’s harder to focus your energy on someone. You can get a LOT done, however, like finishing that novel or doing a 30 day workout challenge. With a pro-domme, there is more communication and you certainly have an outlet for those submissive feelings of worship that are welling up, but there is a limit to the connection, and often a limit to physical connection (S/He may not even be in the same country as you). A keyholder who is your partner is the ideal situation, for all the reasons elucidated above.
Is locktober affiliated with anything?
Currently locktober is not steeped in any ‘grand ethos’. It doesn’t view pornography as bad or require you to believe in Female supremacy or seek to fundamentally change you or make you believe in a new system.
It’s not based on revenge against toxic masculinity, nor is it meant to be a passive rebuke of the ‘cruel caprices’ of women who deny you sex, IE: Incel culture. There is no particularly religious aspect to it.
It doesn’t require your keyholders to be your Dom/me or that you are a permanent submissive (unless y’all want that!), it is just a challenge for singletons and partners to try something new and challenging. You can add your own beliefs and wrinkles and twists to it, by all means! But nothing about it contains any inherent belief structures and you should not feel required to accept or add any.
The important thing is that locktober comes from a good place to start with: fun experimentation with little in the way of preconceived notions of what might happen. It helps to tamper expectations. If this is your first time, the experience will likely travel a path you did not expect. So don’t expect anything specific and you won’t be disappointed.
Any pitfalls to watch out for?
Yes! Apart from playing it safe there are a few small things and one big thing:
Don’t wear it into airports, concert venues, or any other place that might have metal detectors. The TSA has probably seen it all before but you’ll be mortified.
Keep it and your genitals clean! This is doubly true for women using the chastity belt. There is a healthy ecosystem down there but it depends on air and no trapped moisture. You can get a rash or UTI pretty easily if you don’t take care.
The big one – In BDSM there is a term for the emotional crash you get after release at the end of an intense or prolonged session: THE DROP. Think of that massive, earth-shattering release on November 1st as the end of a very long, very emotional session. You will have an emotional crash. Do not be surprised by it. The best remedy is right after release, a longer-than-normal period of cuddling, communicating and care with your keyholder. This is known in the BDSM world as Aftercare and it really works.
You’ve done Locktober yourself, you’ve written a book on couple’s chastity, and interviewed many people who practice it; What’s the most interesting side-effect of long-term chastity that you’ve seen?
Some folks discover after being locked up long-term, that they crave a more submissive support role to their wives, husbands, boyfriends or girlfriends. This is mainly because while being locked, re-focusing their pleasure to be dependent on the pleasure of their keyholder has tapped into a deep-seated need to put the keyholders wants and needs first. In the case of heretonormative partnerships, some locked men start developing feelings of awe toward women in general, partially because by redirecting their immense sex drive into a sensual support system for her, they find out just how much she does in her life and how much she has to put up with just to do it. This is inherently a good thing.
For some, as they focus their attention on the needs of their wife or girlfriend, they find a sense of great satisfaction in servitude to her. They find not only are they more well-suited to serving her needs, but they actually desire that. If the woman wants to make more decisions and have him support rather than delegate, their relationship can evolve into a Female-Led Relationship or FLR. There are many ways FLRs are established, and most don’t involve chastity. BUt if there is an inclination towards an FLR from both parties, chastity can definitely kick-start that change! Trying chastity has been the catalyst for evolution in many relationships, which is both surprising, and cool.
It should be noted that being locked doesn’t have the power to ‘turn’ anyone into anything they aren’t already. It can definitely over-amplify certain feelings like awe, devotion, submissive thought, reverence towards their partner, but this is temporary. What you do with these feelings and what you learn from them is entirely up to you and your keyholder.
There we have it, Chastity Lovers! Once again, A big shout out to Key Barrett – Thank you for educating us about Locktober!
Follow Key Barrett on his Amazon Author’s Page here!
And on Twitter @keybarrettmsc so you don’t miss the latest.
I hope you enjoyed reading our Locktober interview blog. Are you interested in doing the Locktober challenge? Do you know someone who might be? Let’s support each other so please feel free to SHARE this blog post with others. Feel free to hit me up on Twitter @podofeleus and Instagram @Podopheleus.
Much Kink Love