What’s happening, male submissives? There are a lot of questions about submissive men. I’m here today because I believe I can answer your questions. So I thought I’d try to clear things up. Now, are you ready to get started? Great, then let’s do this.
If you’re unfamiliar with who I am and why I write about male submission and female domination, have a quick read here – ‘Who is Podopheleus?‘.
1. Is it a curse to be a male submissive?
Recently, I posted on a social media platform to ask the question “What do you like about being a submissive?” A gentleman responded, and he explained that he was ashamed of his submissive side, and if I’m to be truly honest, his comment riled me up quite a bit, that’s not to say I had anything against the gentleman’s comment. Something was rubbing me the wrong way, however, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, at which point I came to the realisation that I had felt the same shame in the past.
It was only when I had visited a Pro-Domme that I started to accept myself. That’s when my life began to change. Up to that point, though, I thought it was like a curse to be a submissive man. It felt like I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I felt as though no one would understand me. I felt confused and sad and upset and lonely and bewildered and judged, even though no one had ever said anything offensive to me about being a submissive man. What I’ve come to realise is that being a submissive man is not a curse, it is not a terminal illness. Now, I view it as a gift.
2. Why am I struggling to accept my submissive side?
Growing up, I discovered that l had a foot fetish and I was sexually attracted to Female Dominants. I never knew what the word submissive meant until much later down the road.
The shame of having submissive tendencies is something I had lived with for most of my life. It was difficult because I had no-one I could speak to. I really struggled to fit in and be a part of the sexual norm. Finding self-acceptance seemed impossible. Furthermore, I was very insecure and had low self-esteem.
The moment you accept yourself is the moment you start embracing that submissive side without guilt or shame.
3. Why do I wish more than anything that I wasn’t a Submissive?
When I was growing up and even now, we were very much influenced by what we perceive to be the “sexual norm” and anything just a little bit outside of the “sexual norm” can make us feel insecure. I was constantly trying to reinvent myself, and trying to fit in with the “social norm/sexual norm”. I tried to keep telling myself that I wasn’t a submissive man and that I was normal.
Then it hit me, what is “normal” and I started realising a lot about myself.
Being a kinkster, a fetishist, a submissive is a part of me and for some kinksters, it is a way of life, and that’s something most people fail to understand. If people don’t understand it, please realise that it is not your fault and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about accepting who you are.
Submissive men should not be stigmatized as sick, disgusting, or twisted perverts. Just remember this, It’s the people who are judging who needs fixing, not you!
4. Should I explore my submissive side or do I need to see a therapist?
Male submissives – there is nothing wrong with having a fetish or a kink, or submitting to a Female Dominant, on the assumption that you’re not harming anyone. So go for it – full throattle. Explore your kinks, fetishes and your submissive side.
Interestingly enough, there is a Domme who specialises in Domination and Therapy. So if you are interested in BDSM and therapy, It might be worthwhile reaching out to Divine Theratrix – you can follow her on social media:
If you would like to learn more about Dommes and subs, Check out my most recent blog post that outlines Everything you need to know about Dommes and subs.
5. I’m open to exploring my kinks, but my work can’t find out?
Before everything else, what you do in the bedroom, or in the dungeon is your business. No one needs to know. Just as long as you’re not screaming about it from the rooftops and bringing attention to it.
I had a discussion recently with a male submissive who is a teacher, and he explained to me that he was worried about his co-workers as well as the parents of the children finding out that he was a lifestyle male submissive. He believes that they’ll label him as a sick pervert or worse and it could damage his reputation. Personally, I was sad to hear that. I want to make it clear that a submissive man is not the same as a predatory paedophile. That’s obvious, right? So, don’t put submissive men in the same bag as sex abusers.
Let’s just say for argument’s sake that your co-workers find out that you are a lifestyle male submissive. I want you to remember these four points:
🔹You have nothing to be ashamed of.
🔹Submissive men are just regular guys.
🔹As well as good work colleagues.
🔹Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your sexuality in conjunction with your individuality.
6. What if my friends and family find out that I’m a submissive man?
So far, I’ve told only three of my closest friends that I am male submissive. To be fair, my friends have been very supportive. With that being said, I have been very selective in who I have told.
I really do hope that the others will be as supportive and accept me for who I am. However, I’m very pessimistic about how they’ll react. I can absolutely predict what they’re going to say to my wife especially:
🔹”I just don’t understand it.”
🔹”He must be gay.”
🔹”Your husband has been cheating on you. That’s terrible!”
🔹”Oh, my gosh, that is disgusting on so many levels.”
🔹”What about his children when they grow up?”
🔹”It must be hurtful.”
🔹”I don’t know how you put up with it!”
I could go on forever here, but I’ll leave it at that. Everyone is always going to have an opinion, we are all guilty of it. However, no matter what others might say. It’s my marriage, not yours. It’s my body and I’ll do what I want with it, OKAY? In all frankness, I don’t care a monkey’s fuck what other people think.
On a related note, have you ever wondered whether visiting a Dominatrix counts as cheating? Why not check out the guest blog I wrote for the world’s largest Fetish / Body Art Club – Torture Garden.
7. Are there any men speaking up about male submission?
If we were to talk about the women here, who are speaking up for liberation and normalisation around sexuality – the list is endless.
However, there are only a handful of men speaking up for male submission, liberation and normalisation around sexuality. I’ll drop some names of the men who are doing amazing things right now:
Those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. As you can see, there are not an awful lot of men speaking up for male submission, liberation and normalisation around sexuality. We need more male voices out there. There are too many men who are imbalanced with themselves. I want to use my voice and the Podopheleus story to affect change for submissive men.
8. Will you ever reveal your true identity?
In all sincerity, I’m ready to go public but I think my wife might need more time on this one. I have no shame, no guilt, no embarrassment, whatsoever. This is why I’m not worried about revealing my identity, but everything has its right time, right?
The plan is to eventually have a live podcast where I talk about all the issues surrounding stigmatization, the sexual norm, and male submissives.
There we have it, submissives. I hope you enjoyed reading this “Interview with a Submissive Man / Male Submissive” – AKA Podophelus. Please feel free to share this post with others – let’s help each other to talk about these issues.
Much Kink Love
P.S. if you’re looking for more on D/S etiquette check out ‘What not to say to a Domme‘, ‘How to write an email to a Dominatrix‘ or ‘How to thank a Dominatrix‘. Or simply use the website search function and check out the ‘Dominatrix’ or ‘Submissive‘ category. Have fun Kinksters!