Recently, I was having a good ol’ chat with Mistress Mara in relation to ownership. Are you interested in learning more about ownership? If that is the case, this interview is an essential read.
Introducing Mistress Mara
I am Villainatrix or more formally known as Mistress Mara. I am a Professional and Lifestyle Mistress in Colorado. I am enthusiastically a sensual sadist. My favorite is bringing My subjects into deep catharsis through the infliction of pain. I primarily worked privately for the last 8 years and finally decided to delve into the online world of BDSM, which has taught Me a lot about Myself and the ever changing community I am a part of.
1. What exactly is Ownership in a BDSM dynamic? Is the sub required to wear any symbols of Ownership?
A simple definition is: The relationship/dynamic between a Dominant and submissive. Where the Dominant takes control over the relationship or “owns’ the submissive. A relationship where rituals, rules, protocols are negotiated. Some dynamics are very fluid, relaxed to where some are very strict and ritualistic.
Ownership is letting go of oneself and ones needs, desires to selflessly serve the needs of a Superior first. Placing their submission in the Dominants hands. Its a relationship of trust and honesty, openness and vulnerability. Some have said that a relationship between a Dominant and submissive is deeper and more connected than most traditional, vanilla relationships. A bond of mind, body and soul.
A sub may or may not be required to wear or display a symbol of Ownership. In most dynamics though, the Dominant will instruct their submissive to wear or display something. It can be a collar, necklace, bracelet, ring. Some go the length of branding, tattooing or piercing their submissive. This is much like the bands that get exchanged in a traditional wedding.
I should point out, not every dynamic is cut and dry and like the next. I can’t speak for everyone because every single dynamic and the people involved are different and there is no one way of doing things. So remember, what you may see in other dynamics are not necessarily prerequisites for your own dynamic.
2. How does one become Owned? For example, do they have to pass any tests or is it about loyalty after a certain period of time?
Yes and yes. Again each dynamic is different. If Ownership is taken seriously by both Dominant and submissive, then it doesn’t happen overnight. In most cases, Ownership takes time and sometimes lots of it. Weeks to months, sometimes even a year or more. This is when the submissive is given the opportunities to show their loyalty, their devotion, complete tasks and orders. They are tested on how well those tasks are performed, how well a punishment is handled if given.
This is also an important time to learn the Dominants wants and needs, going above to show appreciation whether it’s through service, gifts, or taking care of their general welfare. You are observing them so you can best serve and submit to them. This is also the best time to get to know the Dominant on a personal level as well. Learning their hobbies, likes and dislikes, their favorite foods etc.
This will help in your submissive role to completely “take care” of your Dominant. The Dominant is also watching, taking notes, making plans and putting things into motion. They are devoting their time into getting to know you, learning how to provide you with the space and freedom to be who you are. As a person and submissive.
3. So, once a sub is owned, what changes? What are the biggest misconceptions about Ownership?
Once a sub is owned, they are considered their Dominants property. The Dominant may have always been in charge from the beginning but this is when they take on the role more permanently. More of the decision making will be on the Dominant, including but not limited to finances, health and habits, routines. Depending on the negotiations made, this is when the sub may take on a new name, a sub or slave name or number. Picked together or chosen by the Dominant.
Some Dominants will have their sub sign a contract. A set of rules and protocols. Again depending on the dynamic, depends on what is within the contract or agreement. Examples, service rules and protocols, daily/weekly tasks, curfews, the dos and don’ts of the dynamic. The contract or agreement may be simple and easy or maybe extensive and strict.
Misconceptions. First and foremost, if you’ve noticed I’ve not once said anything about ownership and kink play being closely related. Ownership Is NOT a fast track ticket to get all the kink play and sessions you want. (that is if you’ve made it this far) That is not what ownership is about. There are a lot of people with the fantasy of Ownership, a major turn on to have someone take complete control, but when it comes to the actual sacrifices, time and energy it takes, they can’t or won’t follow through.
Not all Ownership agreements even involve kink play. A lot have used the word Ownership to get their own selfish desires met. A downside of internet Domination. This isn’t to say its all on the subs. There are plenty of D types, more so on the uneducated side, that also use the word Ownership as a tactic to gain new subs, more money, more clout etc. Which leads to a whole mess of problems.
Another common misconception is once you become owned, this means sexual or intimate interactions can happen. This, unless negotiated within the agreement, more than likely will NEVER happen. Your Dominant does not become your significant other.
4. Does Ownership require a contract between the Dominant and submissive?
Not all dynamics have a contract. At least not a formal, written and signed one. But there are plenty of dynamics that are built on that style of structure. Some are a page long, some are pages long. There are dynamics built on financial agreements, so debt contracts, another form of Ownership. (I own you until your debt is paid)
5. What does it mean to Own a submissive? What does the submissive need to know?
For a Dominant, owning a submissive isn’t about being able to abuse some one. (another common misconception) It is about celebration and pride. Owning a submissive is a beautiful thing. Someone you have chosen to become a close part of you, and give you a precious thing, obedience and loyalty. Being gifted someone’s submission should be celebrated. Its about security.
Based on the terms, this is an iron clad agreement. Someone is yours. You are theirs. Secure to be 100% open and authentic in who they are as Dominant and submissive and as people.
6. Are there any specific rules a submissive needs to follow when owned?
All the rules are based upon the agreement the Dominant and sub have put in place. The main rule is to always abide by the rules. Respect your Superior. Respect the space they have given you. Communicate and listen.
7. What advice or wisdom could you give submissives who desire to be owned by their Dominant?
Patience is your friend. Take adequate time in learning as much as you can, being all that you can and doing all that you can.
Actions over words. You can say all the things your Dominant wants to hear, but they want to see actions. They want to see an effort put forth that you can be the submissive they want and need.
Lastly, your Dominant will give adequate play time. Don’t scream ownership to get your kink on, there are plenty of places and people that offer sessions. Your Dominant is offering something deeper and more connected than that.
There we have it, Kinky Folks!
I hope you enjoyed reading this interview blog. A huge Shout-Out to Mistress Mara, for sharing your expertise on this topic with Podopheleus readers.
Please follow Mistress Mara on social media – Twitter: @VillainatrixXx
Book a session with Mistress Mara here.
Kinksters! So, now you know all about Ownership, all thanks to our BDSM educator, Mistress Mara! Let’s support each other – so please SHARE this interview with other like-minded/open-minded kinky individuals. Also, feel free to hit me up on Twitter @podofeleus and Instagram @Podopheleus.
Much Kink Love,
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