Podopheleus interviews The Commandant – The importance of Aftercare
Hello again, Kinky Folks!
In Feb 2023, myself and Kaz B were hosting a spaces on Twitter. As per usual, we were discussing all sorts of kinky stuff, and that my kinky friends is where I had the opportunity to speak with, The Commandant. Lord almighty! The Commandant is full of kinky knowledge like you wouldn’t imagine, and that’s when I gave her the name– Kinky Google! Anyhoo, I proposed an interview collaboration, which she obviously agreed to, duh!?
Anyhoo! Please allow me to introduce you to The Commandant (a.ka. Kinky Google!!)
Introducing The Commandant
Hi there fellow kinky folk! I am The Commandant, Your sometimes friendly neighborhood kink educator and Dominatrix. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I’ve been on and off with Pro/Lifestyle BDSM for 9 years and am determined to take over the kink scene for the better.
1. How would you best describe what Aftercare is? How did it come about?
Aftercare is a method of bonding used between a Dominant and submissive after a scene or session to reassure that all parties involved are safe.
I don’t entirely know the overall history in BDSM truthfully. I reckon the importance and need for it comes from all of the brain chemicals our heads go through during/after a scene.
Even in “vanilla” relationships it’s been stressed that aftercare is needed in some if not all situations.
2. Why is Aftercare important? Additionally, why is Aftercare so neglected?
Postcoital dysphoria (sadness following sexual intercourse) is a very real thing, for us kinksters that would register as “sub drop/Dom drop”. Aftercare is something we do to prevent these drops. That’s why it’s important.
Why is it so neglected? Honestly I believe its a few things at play. Dominants don’t want to have the submissive mistake their kindness within that moment of aftercare for something more. Sometimes the Dominant may not just have the time pre-scheduled out. There is also just the sheer lack of education on the importance of it. A lot of people aren’t aware of the chemical changes you’re going through until the aftermath of those chemicals sets in.
3. How does lifestyle aftercare differentiate from prodomme aftercare?
Lifestyle aftercare tends to be more physically intimate or emotionally intimate due to the nature of the relationship. So the methods I suggest in My graphic like massages, bathing together, watching movies with one another. Those are all usually things you would see a lifestyle D/s couple do things vs a Pro situation.
ProDominants administering aftercare is normally a usual scene run down, providing first aid if needed, snacks, and maybe a follow up if the Dom has the time. There is a level of disconnect within it. Not saying that as a negative thing either by any means, it’s just the nature of the business. We can still show care without a client/submissive getting the wrong idea.
4. The aftercare you provide– does it differ depending on who you play with? The type of session? Etc
100%! Say I have a client who went through a severe impact scene and I broke skin. Aftercare for that would include wound dressing and tending. They would need to have a few moments to breathe and possibly talk about anything they so wished to. They would need proper nourishment afterwards. There would have to be a bit more just due to the nature and severity of the scene.
If I had a human dog come to Me who simply just walked on My lead for a few hours and nothing more? Could simply end with a respectful conversation between the both of us and some headpats for the road. Every situation, especially kink ones are situational! You gotta be able to roll with the flow.
5. Give us some examples of your Aftercare practises? What is your most beautiful aftercare memory?
- 1. I always provide packaged snacks, and water for the client to take for the road.
- 2. I set aside a block of time within the session towards the end dedicated purely for aftercare. The client is made aware of this.
- 3. I remind clients half way through the scene what the safewords/actions are so they for sure know they can pause the scene at any time.
- 4. I check in with clients via email or social media 24-48 hours after a session.
My most beautiful aftercare memory has to be after a scene when I had a submissive who only knew abusive situations. We had been working on small, slow things to start off. Well in this specific session they finally felt like they were able to enjoy that submissive headspace rather than be forced into it. After everything was said and done with the scene, they simply just wanted to be held, I obliged.
They felt so free, weightless, and comfortable that they wept tears of joy in My arms. All they could do was express the gratitude they had for the situation and safety they felt in that moment. It was really sweet, and it still gets Me a little weepy.
6. Do you provide additional aftercare to submissives who suffer from subdrop?
It all depends on the timing of their drop. If I still have them with Me, 10000% no question. I won’t leave a wounded puppy out on the street. If the drop settles in 24-48 hours after the session, that’s why I have My check ins. I still will provide further reassurance and care unless I feel like the individual needs to seek out professional help from a Therapist or what have you. If it’s after those days, it really depends on the client and if I have the time to.
7. Do you ever suffer from Dom drop? Do you use Aftercare practises on yourself? If yes, what do they consist of?
Oh for sure! Don’t we all? I am a therapy advocate! I am in therapy for Myself 2 times a month as a form of aftercare for Myself. My self care tactics are so boring, but I read a lot when I can’t be “The Commandant”. I kick back on My ps2 and hookah for a few hours, go out for walks, write. Your ever so average self care things one can do haha.
8. And finally, tell us all the wonderful kinky things you are working on right now.
Oh I thought we learned I hate this part! I have quite a few kinky things I am working on. I run this handy dandy 21+ Discord server called “The BDSM Dominion” that’s worth checking out.
I also have a fun podcast that I post once a month on My Youtube called Fetish Fridays! It’s where I sit down with a few friends from the kinky life and we chat about all things fetish. It’s a fun time!
There is one more that I am still waiting on releasing any news on, but just know for the DFW scene… Changes are coming and I am oh so excited to be taking part. Other than all of that you can find Me thirst trapping, educating or yelling into the void that is social media!
There we have it, Kinky Folks – The Commandant – The importance of Aftercare!
I hope you enjoyed reading this interview blog. A Gargantuan Shout-Out and Thank-You to the BDSM Educator– The Commandant (Kinky Google), for sharing your expertise with Podopheleus readers. You are friggin’ awesome!
Please follow The Commandant on social media.
- Twitter: @commandantt & @DominionB
- Instagram: @thecommandantt
- Check out all of The Commandants links here: https://withkoji.com/@Commandant
- Additionally, sign up to The BDSM Dominion discord (created by The Commandant): www.discord.com/invite/VhfZqm4eMk
- Lastly, check out The Commandants awesome Youtube channel: www.youtube.com/@thecommandant
Kinksters! So, now you know all about Aftercare, all thanks to our BDSM friend, The Commandant! Let’s support each other – so please SHARE this interview with other like-minded/open-minded kinky individuals. Also, feel free to hit me up on Twitter @podofeleus and Instagram @Podopheleus.
Much Kink Love,
All links @ Podopheleus | Triple-Formed – Advocate for Change