Hello there, Kinksters! Recently, Tiny Monster wrote a great piece for my site about Coming Out as a submissive male – which was very well received by the submissive community. In case you missed it, here’s the link to the story.
Anyhoo! Before we get started, I asked Tiny Monster to write a little introduction about Himself.
Introducing Tiny Monster
My submissive name is Tiny Monster (that’s what my Domme calls me) and I am the collared property of Mistress Sakura Strike. Since being taken under formal ownership – just over a year ago – I have been granted the enormous honour and privilege of serving my Mistress as a domestic slave.
Domestic service has become a huge and important part of my life and of my relationship with my Owner. Podopheleus has been kind enough to set me some questions so that I can talk about this aspect of my BDSM journey.
It is important for me to say, right at the start, that I have experience of domestic service to precisely one Mistress. That is the full extent of my ‘expertise’. I cannot, and I do not pretend to, speak about what it is like to perform domestic duties for any other Domme – nor can I say what it is like for anyone else to serve Mistress Sakura. I can only talk about my own situation.
1. For the uninitiated what is domestic servitude, and what’s in it for the sub?
In a nutshell, domestic servitude is the performing of personal and/or household duties for a dominant. It is the carrying out of tasks, chores, and duties for the benefit of the dominant – often in their home or private space.
The important point is that the duties performed by the domestic submissive are things that the dominant needs, or wants, to be done. The idea is to take on certain chores – most obviously, mundane household jobs such as cleaning and so forth – so that the dominant does not have to do them. The aim is, or should be, to alleviate the dominant from the necessity of having to perform those onerous quotidian chores. The hope is to make the life of the dominant easier, happier, and less stressful.
These domestic service tasks are seldom kink-related in any way. They are not instances of BDSM play, but are usually entirely vanilla and concern such commonplace matters as housework or food shopping.
One thing that the sub gets out of the arrangement is the feeling that they are useful to their dominant. I like knowing that I am serving my Domme, that I am making Her life better by taking certain tedious and burdensome responsibilities away from Her.
Put simply, I don’t want my Mistress to have to clean Her own floors.
Service submissives are often called – or are perhaps supposed to be – selfless. If domestic service is about what the dominant wants and needs, then it does not sound as though the submissive should be getting anything out of it for themselves. Nevertheless, I do derive a lot of pleasure and satisfaction from knowing that my Mistress’s life has been made easier by what I do for Her.
I should stress that, in what follows in this section, I absolutely do not pretend to speak for my Owner. I do not claim to be able to talk about anything other than my own experience, and about what I feel about my service to Her. No-one should take it that I am presuming to offer Mistress Sakura’s thoughts or perspective. I am not.
An aspiration, for me, is that my Mistress should enjoy having me as a servant. Just as I am a submissive, my Mistress is a dominant – and so I hope that, in a purely D/s sense, She derives pleasure from my servitude. I hope that She likes me and likes dominating me. I want Her to feel my submission to Her, to know that I acknowledge Her as my Mistress. It is not my place to say whether I succeed in this aim.
Which leads me to another thing that is ‘what’s in it for the sub?’
For me, domestic servitude strengthens the bond with my Mistress. It reinforces the D/s dynamic and deepens our relationship. So, what I get out of it is the enhancement of a profound and meaningful connection to an amazing Mistress.
Additionally, it is a mark of trust. My Mistress invites me into Her home and into Her personal life. In doing so, She trusts that I will always respect Her boundaries, and will never betray Her privacy. My main purpose in performing domestic duties is to ease my Owner’s burdens – but I cannot deny that I derive pride and pleasure from knowing that Mistress Sakura has such faith in me; and my self-esteem is boosted by the knowledge that Mistress feels I have earned this level of trust.
Finally, my domestic service adds to the general feeling of being dominated by my Owner in my day-to-day existence. Like wearing my tag at all times, being given tasks, and being issued with punishments, it is one more part of my belonging to my Mistress.
2. What initially attracted you to domestic servitude?
This is a more complex question than it might at first seem. The reason is to do with the distinction (which I will explore in greater detail below) between fantasy servitude and genuine domestic service.
So, in a sense, the answer is that nothing attracted me to domestic servitude at first because what I wanted – what I believed I wanted – was the fantasy, not the reality.
All my life (or as far back as I can remember), I have fantasised about being turned into a domestic slave for a dominant woman. But of course, my fantasy involved all the tropes and accoutrements and high protocols of BDSM play. That is what I thought I wanted. And that bears very little resemblance to actual domestic service.
I would certainly not have been prepared for real domestic servitude early on in my kink journey. I think that I would not have been sufficiently secure in my submission to, and relationship with, Mistress Sakura. Most importantly of all, it could not happen until my Domme was sure that I was ready.
Mistress Sakura has given me more than I could ever repay. She has improved my life in just about every way, making me happier and more fulfilled. Mistress has brought me to an understanding and acceptance of my true self. She has validated and valued my submission, has cared about me, and has shown me enormous kindness (as well as dominating me, disciplining me, and providing me with lots of kinky fun). My Owner is, and always has been, very generous with Her time and attention.
So, what made me decide that I wanted to perform genuine domestic service was the thought that I ought to find some way to repay Mistress for all that she has done (and continues to do) for me. And I knew that it had to be a way that had nothing to do with my kinks and fetishes, but was all about being useful. I communicated to Mistress that I was seeking some means to be of service to Her – some measure that centred Her needs and Her comfort.
A short time later, I bought Mistress a new vacuum cleaner and She suggested that I might like to be the first person to use it. That was it! I was being offered the privilege of entering more closely into Mistress’s personal life and being offered the opportunity to be of genuine service.
Mistress thought I was ready and so did I.
3. What was your first domestic servitude experience like? Was it what you imagined it to be like?
This is another seemingly simple, but actually tricky question. My first domestic servitude experience was very different to every subsequent one. So, in describing it, I do not want to give a false impression of what domestic service is really like.
Because, I assume, it was my first time, Mistress included certain kink activities into the day: telling me to wear ‘nice’ panties, and inspecting them when I arrived; putting on fetish boots while we had lunch; placing Her leftovers in a dog bowl for me to eat; treading on my food and making me lick it from the sole of Her boot; allowing me to worship Her boots at the end of the day.
None of these activities, nor anything like them, have ever been replicated on subsequent occasions of my domestic service. And these kink ‘extras’ formed only a very small part of my first day of household duties. The rest of my time was spent cleaning Mistress’s flat, cooking Her lunch, and seeing to Her needs. For most of the day, I had no interaction with Mistress at all. I got on with my menial tasks on my own, unsupervised, while Mistress worked in another room – and I tried hard to disturb Her as little as possible.
I am something of an attention-junkie, and so I thought that I would be anxious for praise for what I was doing, that I would be eager to hear that much sought-after ‘good boy’. But as I worked, I found that this need began to slip away. I found that I wanted to do as good a job as possible because I was doing it for my Mistress and because I felt a sincere desire to offer Her the best service that I could give.
This was what made me realise that I wanted to be, and that I was capable of being, a true service submissive. (Whether I have achieved that is something that only Mistress Sakura can say.)
(I have written more fully about that day in my blog, the entry can be found here.)
4. How does domestic servitude work? For example, a regular session is usually 1 – 3 hours. Is domestic servitude the same thing, or is it an all-day thing or an all weekend thing etc.
I have paid-for BDSM sessions (usually four hours long) with Mistress Sakura every two months. In between those sessions, I perform domestic duties once or twice a month. I would like it to be more often, but I do not live in London, so I cannot just ‘pop round’. Additionally, I often do some housework or shopping for Mistress before and/or after a BDSM session.
My domestic servitude is usually scheduled so that I can spend the whole day in service. Mistress and I arrange the date a couple of weeks in advance, and sometimes I will be told beforehand what I will be doing, but sometimes I don’t find out until I arrive.
I do not like to refer to my periods of domestic service as ‘sessions’. I do not pay for them. They are a personal arrangement between my Mistress and me. I do not – and I have no right to – ask for what I want to do when I am in service. Everything is about what Mistress wants and what She needs to be done.
I am Mistress Sakura’s property, She is my Owner. I am, therefore, always submissive to Her. This never changes, although the degree of formality and protocol may alter. During my domestic service days, we are at our most informal – but I would never dare to call Her anything other than ‘Mistress’. The D/s dynamic is in place throughout, just as it is in all aspects of my life.
I always try to dress nicely, and as smartly as possible, whenever I see my Mistress. To do otherwise would seem disrespectful. There is, however, a balance to be struck when being a domestic servant: I have to wear something loose and comfortable enough to work in, and it has to be something that I don’t mind getting dirty – but I still want to look nice for Mistress. I tend to wear chinos and a decent shirt. I also wear a pink, frilly apron that I bought just before my first time (I always make sure that it is cleaned and ironed).
5. What does domestic servitude really entail, is there a fantasy element to it?
You stand naked in the kitchen, a collar around your neck, doing the washing up. Mistress stands behind you, holding a riding crop. She is dressed in black leather, thigh-high boots, and black stockings. She watches carefully as you wash the dishes, issuing instructions to hurry up or to be more careful. You fumble a cup and almost drop it. Mistress lashes your backside with her crop and tells you that you are useless.
After a few more seconds, Mistress decides that you are being too slow, so she makes you bend over the sink and administers ten strokes of the whip to your tender, quivering buttocks. Then she grabs you by the hair, pulls you over to the kitchen table and forces you to bend over it. You apologise and beg for forgiveness, but she pulls on a strap-on and thrusts her dildo into your bottom, pegging you roughly and mercilessly while laughing at your helpless cries. When she feels satisfied that you have learned your lesson, she points to the kitchen floor with her whip and orders you to lick it clean…
That, or some version of it, is the type of fantasy of domestic slavery that I have enjoyed for years.
And if that, or some version of it, is what you want: fantastic! There are many dommes out there who will happily and gleefully provide such a service. If that is what you want, then contact a pro-domme, ask for such a session, and pay for it. I truly hope that you have tremendous fun, and I would love to read about it.
But if that is what you are expecting from genuine domestic servitude, then you are going to be very disappointed.
If you are hoping to turn up with a list of kink activities that you would like to engage in, then you have missed the point.
When I serve my Mistress as a domestic slave, I am there to work.
I am there to alleviate Mistress from the burden of whatever household chores I am carrying out. I am there to do the housework so that Mistress can get on with other things, or can just relax, or can go out to do…well, it’s none of my business.
There is no suggestion of a fantasy session or of BDSM activities. That is absolutely not the purpose of my presence in my Owner’s home. Most of the time, I do not have any interaction at all with my Mistress. I just get on with the jobs that I have been given (or those that I just know always need doing). Mistress needs to be able to rely on me to work unsupervised – if She had to micro-manage what I am doing, it would defeat the point of my being there.
I will now describe a typical domestic-service day for me…
Please remember that I have no idea what it is like to serve anyone other than Mistress Sakura, and I have no idea what it is like for anyone else to serve Her.
I arrive at Mistress’s flat at exactly the appointed time – never early, never late. I bring a bag containing my apron, a feather duster, and any cleaning supplies that I noticed were running low on my previous visit. I will also bring Mistress Her coffee and anything else (such as the makings of breakfast) that She has asked me to pick up on the way.
Right at the start, my Domme will tell me the level of protocol that we will be under – it is almost always very informal, or ‘at ease’ as Mistress calls it.
We usually begin with a chat and a catch-up. Mistress Sakura takes a genuine interest in my life, my marriage, and my wellbeing. We talk about kink things as well as vanilla things, and this chat (which often coincides with breakfast) gives me an opportunity to communicate with Mistress about aspects of my BDSM journey and about our D/s relationship.
Occasionally, if I am lucky, Mistress will allow me to have some of her breakfast leftovers.
Then Mistress will tell me what jobs need doing, and I put on my apron and get on with them. I clean, I scrub, I wash, I sweep, I vacuum, I tidy, I polish, I sort, I take out the trash, I clean some more…
That’s it. That’s what I do for the day. Note the total lack of BDSM play of any kind.
While I am working, I try to disturb Mistress as little as possible – although I periodically ask whether there is anything I can get for Her. If I need to clean the room She is in, I ask permission first. Sometimes Mistress is there for the whole time; sometimes She goes out and leaves me to get on with things.
Occasionally, I will be sent out to do some shopping.
When all of the work has been done, Mistress and I have dinner and this gives us personal time for relaxed (or as relaxed as I ever get) conversation, and for the making of future plans.
Then I wash up the dinner things, we say goodbye, and I make my way home.
This is, as I said, a typical day – details and duties may vary.
I really enjoy my domestic servitude. I love being able to serve my Owner and to be of use to Her, I love the continuation and strengthening of the D/s dynamic, and I love having this connection to my wonderful Mistress. The focus, however, is not on my pleasure, but upon Mistress Sakura’s needs.
Is there a fantasy element to it?
My immediate response is to say that there is not. There is, after all, no roleplay and no BDSM play.
But I am not completely sure of that answer. I am not really a slave – I can walk out any time I like. And if Mistress issues me with a punishment for some mistake or transgression, I can choose to ignore it (although I never would). So perhaps the whole thing is a fantasy.
Except that it is very real to me (and I hope it feels real to Mistress too).
As Mistress Sakura puts it: we are equals – but equals who mutually consent to a relationship in which one of us is dominant, and one of us submits to that dominance.
Is that real?
This feeds into a much larger issue, and a much deeper discussion that could ensue about whether my submission is ‘real’ and whether the D/s relationship I have with my Mistress is authentic or is a fantasy. I may write something about this in future, but it is beyond, I think, the scope of my answers here.
6. How does a service submissive differentiate from the regular “sessions” submissive?
In all honesty, I do not think that I have sufficient experience, nor wide-ranging enough knowledge to answer this question. I hope, however, that the difference between domestic service and BDSM play sessions has been explained, to some degree, by my answers to the other questions.
7. What advice would you give to someone who is seeking domestic servitude for the first time?
Talk to your dominant. Communication is everything.
Earn it. Prove that you are worthy of the privilege and of the trust that is required. Earn it through loyalty, obedience, devotion, commitment, and generosity. Prove that you understand the D/s dynamic and that your dominant’s boundaries are sacred to you.
Do not think that domestic service is about free BDSM play.
Do not expect that you will be rewarded with free sessions. In fact, do not expect to be rewarded at all. Your dominant may choose to reward you, but that is a matter for them and if you expect it, then you have missed the point. The honour and privilege of service (for me at any rate) is the reward.
Make sure that you are secure in your submission to, and relationship with, your dominant. ‘Funishments’ in the dungeon are a very different matter to the possibility of genuinely displeasing your dominant when working in their home, with their private lives and their personal property.
Talk to your dominant some more. Make sure you are clear about what is expected of you, about how you may behave, and about what your commitment (possibly financial) will be. And make sure you communicate properly about your own boundaries and limits.
Do not turn up with a list – even in your head – of fun, kinky things you want to do (unless, of course, this has been agreed with your dominant). You are there to serve, to meet the needs of the person you are serving. If, of course, cleaning the bath for your dominant does turn you on, and does feel like a kinky treat, then that’s a definite bonus and I am very happy for you.
Make sure that this is what you really want. While the actual carrying out of domestic duties may be about your dominant’s needs and not yours, if domestic service in general does not fulfil your needs or expectations, then it is not right for you.
Finally, remember that boots do not need cleaning nearly as often as many of us would like.
8. Lastly, what are your kinky plans for 2022? And where can Podopheleus readers find your articles?
My plans? More of the same.
I want to continue to session regularly with Mistress Sakura. I want to deepen and strengthen our relationship, our D/s dynamic, and our bonds of trust and commitment.
I would like to continue to explore and expand my limits and my understanding of submission. I would like to try new things in session – even things that I am not sure about.
I have always fantasised about being wrestled into submission and about being lifted and carried – helpless – over someone’s shoulder. Mistress Sakura does not offer wrestling as one of Her services, but She has (with characteristic generosity) given me permission to arrange a session with a Domme who does. I am really looking forward to that.
I have been in chastity, under Mistress Sakura’s control, for almost a year. During that time, my Owner has kindly allowed me to masturbate once and to have sex once – and to orgasm both times. I would like to continue chastity and to enjoy the submission that comes with the frustration of long-term denial.
I intend to strive to be the best submissive that I can be for my Mistress and to make Her happy with my service.
Read more about my BDSM journey and my writings here.
There we have it, Kinksters!
I hope you enjoyed reading this interview blog on the realities of domestic servitude. A massive shout-out to Tiny Monster! Thank you for answering my questions so thoughtfully.
Click here to follow Tiny Monster on Twitter so you don’t miss the latest!
Additionally, follow Mistress Sakura on Twitter or click here to book a session with Mistress Sakura.
Are you interested in Domestic Servitude? Do you know someone who might be? Let’s support each other, Kinksters! So please feel free to SHARE this interview blog with others. Feel free to hit me up on Twitter @podofeleus and Instagram @Podopheleus, or send a message via my contact page.
Much Kink Love,
P.S. Are you new to submission with a dominatrix? Read here for Top 11 Tips to finding a Domme or my Guide to Dommes and Subs – 20 Questions!