Are you seeking validation from your Dominant?

Are you seeking validation from your Dominant? Hey there, Kinksters. In today’s blog I’m going to talk about if it is normal to seek validation from your Dominant? 

Okay. Okay. Let’s get down to brass tacks. 

Real talk, I spent my whole life seeking validation from others before I realised it was emotionally draining me

I stopped seeking validation the moment I discovered my own identity. I am the complete opposite now, I don’t give a koaloas nutsack what other people think. However, I do value worthwhile opinions

Seeking validation can create low vibrational emotions as for example sadness, jealousy, anxiety, stress, anger and resentment. 

When I first started sessions, I didn’t know what to expect. Just for the record, at the time I became hooked on sessions and addicted to seeking validation from my Dominatrix. 

If you have traits of an addictive personality I highly recommend you read this ?

Are you seeking validation from your Dominant? Post-Session Anxiety 

Okay. On with the motley. So, after a session I will always send a thank you message to my Domme to express my gratitude. In most instances, she does message back. However, when she doesn’t message back I freak out a little bit and I ask myself all kinds of questions:

“Did I say something wrong?”

“I know she’s read my message, so why hasn’t she replied?” 

“Isn’t it rude not to reply to a message?”  

“Okay. So you’re posting on twitter even though you haven’t replied to my WhatsApp message!”

“You can update your IG stories but you can’t message me back? Thanks a bunch!” 

I couldn’t help feeling anxious and panicky. It affected my mood and energy. Now that I think of it my feelings were childish, selfish, judgemental, egoistic and narcissistic. I’ve come to the realisation that when you are truly confident in yourself then there’s no need to seek external validation. It took me a while to realise that but I got there in the end. 

11 Sex Roleplay Ideas - validation from your dominant

Validation from your Dominant. It’s been 24hrs and my Domme hasn’t messaged me back. What should I do?

Awrighty! Let’s look at some possible reasons why your Domme hasn’t messaged you back. 

1. Your Domme has a life

Yup! You might be seeking validation from your dominant, but your Domme has a life outside of sessions. Take into consideration the fact that your Domme doesn’t owe you all her time. What she does in her free time should not concern you. e.g. posting on Twitter, updating her IG stories.

Let us look at some example messages: 

“Thank you SOO much for today’s session! It’s definitely up there with one of my fave sessions of all time. I really enjoyed our chat before the session, you’re so lovely to talk too. Thank you yet again for everything x” 

Okay. This was a message I sent my Domme. However, she never messaged back. Firstly, I’m not asking her any questions here. I’m just thanking her for a session. So there’s no reason for me to be upset.

Here is another example message: 

“Morning. Do you have availability for a late 1-hour session on Friday around 7pm onwards? X”

Okay. So she messaged back to say she will check her availability. 

“Holy shit! She hasn’t texted me in 2 days.” 

So, I sent her another message and she messaged back to say that Friday/Saturday nights are a bit difficult for her and she apologised. Sometimes we need to send follow-up messages. Sometimes people get caught up in the business of life. It is what it is. 

2. Are YOU friggin’ impatient for validation from your dominant?

It’s only been a day, chillax yourself, dude. She is most probably busy and she’ll get back to you in her own time. One piece of advice. Stop staring at your friggin’ phone screen and quit checking your Goddamn messages all the friggin’ time. Yup. I had to learn that the hard way to stop looking for validation from my Dominant and others. 

3. You want validation from your dominant – your dominant needs time off

A Domme might choose to take some time off from the internet or replying to emails or WhatsApp messages. If that is the case please respect her wishes. Pestering her constantly will sabotage your D/S relationship. 

4. To treat a Dominant like a human being.

We have to admit it is strange times for everyone, right now. 

When a Domme doesn’t message you back during lockdown, have you considered how your Domme might be feeling?! Keep in mind that if your Domme hasn’t emailed or texted you back she might be struggling to deal with online interactions during the time of lockdown.

It’s not just about the pleasurable moments. More important than ever we should be supporting our Dommes when their moods and energies are low. We can show empathy naturally to our Dommes by:

  • being understanding
  • having good manners
  • allowing your Domme to have some time to herself without bombarding her with needy messages.

5. Asking for real time sessions during Lockdown.

Erm… Do I really need to answer that question? Blimey! 

Why I Love My Small Penis - validtion from a domiant
Why I love my small penis – Podopheleus

Do you want Validation from your Dominant – Dude, stop making it about you!

Let’s wrap this up.

So, is it normal to seek validation from your Dominant? What are your thoughts on validation from a dominant?. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to hit me up on Twitter and Instagram, or via the site

Much Kink Love


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