We live in a 24/TPE. It’s our choice to explore kink and sexuality and relationship in this context. What made us choose this lifestyle? It came about because we were both committed kinksters looking for a relationship based on a sex forward, kink forward frame of reference and therefore, living together in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange made sense.
To give some background, my life has been impacted by the fact that I am a highly sexualized person and see physical sex is my love language. Even though I was married for 30 years to a woman with whom I had no sexual alignment, I was always fantasizing about and seeking out opportunities to explore my curiosity about kink. For my partner, Lady Petra, she was also in a 30-year marriage, but in her case, she was married to a domineering man who failed to explore her sapio and demisexual kinky nature even though she was a willing participant. She was also kinkier than he was, and she was frustrated by their lack of alignment as well. We luckily found each other after exiting those sexually and emotionally frustrating marriages.
Collaring after my divorce
After my divorce, I went on a quest to find out about myself as a kinkster first, and then once I was clear about my predilections, I was able to identify who I was seeking, I set out to find a kinky partner. The inquiry I was on led me to the conclusion that a partner searching for a 24/7 TPE should be my relationship partner of choice. I had enjoyed the experience of a few role play kink dynamics and even a live-in kink dynamic for a short time, and at that time, although I was happily enjoying the power exchange, I had no real emotional or personal alignment other than sexual with the women I was fucking, so the possibility of relationship never materialized. Nevertheless, it was clear to me that the 24/7 TPE was the ideal dynamic construct for me, and so, with all that experience in mind, I put it out there that I was seeking a submissive masochist for a 24/7 TPE to form a relationship in a detailed seeking post that I posted on Fetlife in various “personals” groups.
When Lady Petra was searching for a partner as her marriage was coming to an end, she found my seeking post, and since she considered herself submissive to the point of “slavish”, she felt that being owned property would be the best relationship construct for her. She was seeking a 24/7 TPE. She wanted to choose who to submit to, and after reading my post, she was eager to connect. We courted for several months. This courting also involved me tasking her with obedience tasks that helped me identify and assess where and how we aligned. Being clear that I am a sadist, I was particularly interested in her willingness to explore her masochism, so this was a clear and distinct purpose of my initial inquiry with her. She definitely demonstrated indications that she did indeed have the heart of a masochist, and with all of that in mind, we talked in detail about how our dynamic would flow. In essence, we worked out the agreements we needed to go forward. To do this, we met in person, and even though she was sure after our very first meeting that she wanted to submit to me, we took a couple of months, and several meetings over dinner and drinks, before she chose me, and we agreed to move forward.
We both came into the dynamic with the following root understandings of the 24/7 TPE we were creating:
- We would be sex forward
- We would be kink forward
- In the Total Power Exchange, hard limits would be honored
- She would have agency, which meant that when needed, we would set the dynamic to one side and speak as equals.
As I noted, we courted for several months leading to the initial claiming. The delay was mainly caused by her being not yet separated from her marriage, and I had insisted we not begin the dynamic prior to that clear separation. When the time came, our relationship began with a ceremonial claiming. She had to offer herself by choice. It had to be the exercise of her free will without any coercion by me of any sort. In short, she put herself forward and offered herself to be claimed as a submissive by me, her chosen Dom. I claimed her by marking her “inside and out” (“inside” with piss down her throat and in her ass, and “out” several cane strokes on her ass.) and using her as my 3-hole whore. We lived together for a year exploring the complete experience of a 24/7 TPE dynamic, getting to know each other, getting related, getting connected and imagining and negotiating our future together, and simply exploring our sexuality fully. We had a great time. The sex was great. Really, really good. Our kink was evolving and expanding our minds as I figured out what made her tick sexually, and I became present to myself as a “Sensual Sadist”. Our scenes were hot as hell. We liked each other too, and with her prompting, started a romantic involvement beyond the TPE. We began to fall in love. This led us to consider the next step in our relationship dynamic. We discussed options, and came to a resolution that once she was complete with her divorce, I would offer her my collar.
What is collaring?
By “collar” – what I intended was a locked collar that she would wear to symbolize her submission, her bondage, her service and her total devotion to me and to our dynamic. We had occasionally used play collars during our scenes from time to time, but in truth, those never meant much more to me than the material they were made of. I wanted this submissive, Lady Petra, to belong to me, to be my property who outwardly was owned. Inwardly, she clearly felt like she did indeed belong to me, and she was completely committed to being my property. She was clearly devoted and a wonderfully considerate lover and partner. She served me very well. She checked every box. She is beautiful, sexy, obedient, submissive, compliant, very kinky, or as we like to say, filthy dirty, and she was open to truly exploring herself as a masochist. I wanted to give her my assurance as her Dominant that she belonged to me beyond her marks. The locked collar offered that assurance. Since we were not keen on getting married, both of us being recently divorced, we opted to live together as a committed D/s couple in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange. The collar codified our dynamic so that if we were to encounter another kinkster, for example, they would understand our dynamic instantly. Being collared in a kink context is being owned property.
In the Gorean context, the collar is something the slave, or kajira, “begs for” by adopting a particular pose, kneeling with her knees apart and her hands crossed behind her head right over left, and then stating a specific prose where she agrees to give up her freedom and agency in exchange for the collar. As a Gorean Master told me recently, “after she begs her collar, she gets the whip so she will know the cost of defiance of her Master”. The Gorean dynamic is a consent/non-consent total power exchange dynamic.
In my relationship with Lady Petra, I value her agency. And I want her total consent inside of her limits. And it also made sense to her for her to be collared to me as a sign of her commitment to our dynamic and as a symbol of her total submission.
Even though she is collared, because she has agency, our standing agreement is that if we were to have a disagreement that we cannot resolve inside the dynamic, that we set the dynamic aside to get the issue resolved. In the act of collaring her, I required that she commit to “no space between us”, to “being responsible” for the dynamic, to there being “nothing wrong” in the dynamic and that she fulfills on her service to me by adhering to all of the protocols that we agree are in service of, and enhance the dynamic. Naturally she agreed to all those stipulations. It is important to differentiate between being “Dominant” and being “Domineering”. I am dominant, naturally. She responds to my dominance, and I never ever demand that she do anything that she is not fully enrolled in doing. As her dominant, my responsibility then, is to enroll her in those things I wish her to choose. I never ever pull power or coercer her into doing something she objects to or that exceeds her stated limits.
What is it about the collar in this context that makes it such a powerful relationship construct? There are all sorts of collars in kink. This was not me offering her a meaningless collar to wear occasionally while we played. A toy, in other words. This is a locked metal collar that stays on, that only I can remove.
A 24/7 dynamic that is a true power exchange, like ours is, is more akin to a life of bondage. In our dynamic, she serves me. I am her Master. The collar signifies both my ownership and her commitment. It is an unbreakable symbol that indicates that we are fully committed to each other.
Collaring your woman
When I collared her originally, we created a ceremony, a private ceremony between us alone. We wrote passages to speak our thoughts and what we created was a beautiful little ritualized collaring where she offered herself by kneeling naked in a circle of candles and white rose petals that she spread around between the candles to signify her submission. The first thing we did then was to “be with” each other as she sat naked in Nadu pose in the circle, knees apart, palms upturned resting on her thighs. We literally looked into each other’s eyes to be with each other, silently, for 5 minutes or so. It was very moving. In that moment you “see” each other newly. Then we each read the thoughts that we had independently compiled aloud to each other. Next, we drank a shot of Mezcal to toast our collaring, our dynamic and our life together as well as each other. I put her collar on and locked it. I had collared her. Then we had an intense kink scene that took us both into unknown territory newly together. Our collaring was a seminal event for us that occurred two years ago now.
Being collared has been something we have gotten used to since then. At the time of her collaring, because she works in a sensitive government position, the collar I selected and locked in place was an ankle collar. It has only come off her ankle one time since then, that being when she went into surgery, otherwise she has worn that collar continuously since day 1. When covid hit and she began to work from home every day, I presented her with a heavy stainless-steel collar that she wore around her neck 24/7 during the time she worked from home. She loves it and when it is on, she feels like it “completes her”. She got so used to having it on, so that when covid wound down initially and she had to go back to the office, she was forlorn. To make her smile, I got her a “day collar” to wear instead of the hard collar. The day collar is a silver chain necklace with a symbolic “collared” silver charm indicating that she is indeed collared to the trained eye. If a kinkster unknown to her saw it, they would immediately recognize that “she is collared”. The average civilian, on the other hand, would not note what she is wearing as symbolic of her submission or kink. To them, this would simply be an attractive piece of jewelry.
Her return to work made us change our ritual with her hard collar. Now that she has returned to work, she wears it from the time she returns home from work on a Friday, till she goes to bed on Sunday evening. I am responsible for both putting it on and taking it off. We make a ritual of it. When she gets home from work on a Friday, she fetches the collar in its velvet pouch, and she kneels at my feet offering it to me. I take it, collar her, lock it in place and kiss her. She says, “now I feel complete”. On Sunday night as she is laying in bed, just before I get in bed with her, I unlock and replace the collar in its pouch, and we kiss passionately. She always says something to the effect of “I am always collared Daddy” at that moment.
The collar is an amazing representation of her life in bondage as my submissive. We battled with the word “slave” which is quite commonly used in the kink context such as with the Gorean kajira for example when we tried to identify her with a label. I do not consider her my slave. She is my equal. She chooses to submit to me and to gift me her power. This is an important consideration. We are people first. We both have free will and volition. We both choose to be in this dynamic, and as equals, we worked out the relationship construct where we share ourselves authentically. We both feel our root type deeply. I am a “D” type. She is an “s” type. Once I claimed her, she became my property. We both feel that very strongly. Even though she is collared, on a weekly basis, I choose to mark her as my property. We call these our “High Protocol” scenes. She puts herself forward offering me the cane, and I use chains to bind her in her submission, whereas in our usual daily play scenes, I do not use bondage of any sort other than to link a leash to her collar. For the High Protocol scenes, after she presents me with a cane, she requests that I mark her, and using a cane I mark her to my satisfaction. We have created that in our protocol, I mark her with the first stroke, and then she requests marks after that as she is ready for them, and when I am satisfied, I stop. my property is marked, and she quite literally cherishes her marks just as I do. She eagerly shares them with me each day and pouts when they fade.
The experience of living in a 24/7 TPE is quite remarkable. The collar both symbolizes and codifies the dynamic. When she is collared, she feels complete, and I also feel that feeling of being complete. When I remove her collar, she and I both feel the loss. She misses the security of the weight of the collar, and I miss the feeling of joy I experience when I look over and see her sitting there, doing her tasks, collared. As her Master, I feel the responsibility of the weight of the collar, and I am aroused at the very thought of owning a collared slut.
Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs.
We are used to the collar and are so compatible with each other that in 3 years we have never had a single real breakdown. Until last week. Last week we had a breakdown where we both let ourselves get hamstrung by our reactive minds and we found ourselves in an intense disagreement. This was a very unusual and very rare way of relating for us, perhaps we have had 3 conversations in 1000 days of sharing our lives, that would rise to the level of a disagreement. All 3 of those conversations occurred very early in our dynamic where trust was just forming, and we were getting used to being in each other’s space. This breakdown was different. It felt like a total break in our reality that confronted us with the possibility of our dynamic being irreparably ruptured. When this occurred, we, consistent with our early agreements, set our dynamic to one side and we engaged in a quiet dialogue as equals, to deal with the issues on the table, and get to completion once upsets were resolved. It literally took us standing in the woods and talking face to face till we got to completion. With the emotional energy of the previous day behind us, we had time to think about how to go forward. We both felt like we needed to recreate the dynamic newly. After giving it some thought what we chose to do was to recommit to the dynamic. We both believe that we cannot have a 24/7 TPE if space exists between us. For this reason, the way forward meant that with closure behind us, we needed to have a new stepping off point. To take this first step, we chose to have a collaring ceremony as a jumping off point for our future together.
We are deeply in love. We have an ongoing commitment to being responsible in our dynamic. If you ask either of us, we will both, in our own voice, confirm that the 3 years we have spent together has been an amazing magic carpet ride that flashed by in a moment. We found a pathway to being vulnerable with each other and allowing ourselves to be loved. We are whole-hearted. This is why the breakdown was so remarkable.
The ritual we established in our first expression of commitment had us excited to repeat the exercise to launch our exploration of our dynamic newly. The difference between then and now, then being the time I first collared her, and this new experience, is that this time we have a knowingness about our 24/7 dynamic that we did not have before. We know ourselves as deeply connected, deeply related, deeply aligned, and deeply in love, and it was that sense of knowing how we have grown together during the past 3 years that had us eager to recommit.
What did we bring to this experience? First, we bring the commitment we each have to our dynamic. We bring our full self-expression. Finally, we bring the pure knowing that for each of us, compared to our whole life, these past 3 years of life together have been the highlight by far.
With that in mind, and with the experience of a breakdown in the recent past to reflect on, we brought it all. She began her healing by getting a dream catcher henna tattoo to mark the occasion and give a nod to her heritage.
On the day, we took a walk together, holding hands, and we talked about our life together, getting complete on the week, saying anything that needed to be said, and we resolved to recommit newly. Fresh. Unencumbered by the recent past.
She donned her war paint as a reflection of her Native roots and looked the fiercely beautiful loving warrior she is. We surrounded her with a circle of candles, and she spread white rose petals between them to signify her submission newly.
Sitting in that circle of fire and rose petals, naked except for her war paint and henna tattoo, we started the celebration by being together – the “be with” exercise. We just sat there staring into each other’s eyes for what seemed eternity but was only a few minutes. She read me the love poem she wrote in her Native Cherokee and then repeated it in English, next she read the prose she wrote speaking of her commitment to me and to our dynamic. The words were moving, we were both in tears. Then I spoke and read her the prose I had written to mark the occasion including a poem I wrote to her about how being with her leaves me feeling complete. I spoke of my love for her, my commitment to her, and to our dynamic. Again, we were both moved and had to dab our eyes.
I offered her my collar and she accepted it again, I said, “Please will you accept my collar?” and she replied, “Please will you collar me?” This was spontaneous, we had not discussed or rehearsed what we would say to each other, so it was remarkable that she expressed herself honoring her Cherokee and Choctaw roots and I shared how she is the Cinnamon Girl I always imagined would be mine. The power of a 24/7 dynamic has transformed us completely.
My Cinnamon Slut – re-collared
I placed the collar around her neck and locked it. She was collared newly.
Then we made absinth drinks, burning the sugar on the spoon, and pouring cold water over the sugar cube to create the “green fairy” liquid which we drank to mark the moment. A toast to our life together. A toast to the joy, happiness, satisfaction and the love that we feel. A toast to our dynamic and to each other.
Then we had a long and very intense scene that again took us into a new arena of our kink dynamic.
First, she got hypnotically induced, prepared for her mouthgasm, and from there the scene developed where she was used hard for about 2 hours with multiple implements, multiple orgasms, and marked inside and out (Marked “inside” means that I pissed down her throat and, in her ass, and “out” means I caned her ass leaving her marked outwardly.) The energy in the room was palpable. It was a time-warp moment.
The ceremony was a beautiful occurrence of our dynamic.
It was raw. It was real. It was sexy. It was intense. It was hot, it was PERFECT!
She is my collared slut.
She is owned, marked, collared and happy.
Marked inside and out
I am floating in a fog of bliss.
A Daddy with his collared marked kitten.
My Cinnamon Girl.
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